Oh yes. God forbid I should have too much fun. Trouble seems to follow me round these days…
So Friday, we went to Debbie and Andrew’s wedding, where the bride was glowing, and I swear couldn’t have looked happier. The wedding was perfect. The service was held in a beautiful local church, St Andrews…
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and was followed by a reception held in a gorgeous gourmet pub, where Debbie delighted all and sundry by lifting up her wedding dress to reveal an astonishing pair of big blue knickers, emblazoned with “Mrs Cothliff”…
Although it doesn’t show up too well on the photograph above, the cake was a Wedgewood blue colour, inspired by one on the cover of an old Martha Stewart Weddings issue, I had kept for years (I live in hope!), and was accompanied by a hundred little fairy cakes on a three tier stand in the same colour. Beautiful…
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By the evening, Mark was shaking with nerves about the best mans speech he would be delivering the next day, and I was having a ball chatting with old school friends and enjoying the hilarious talents of The Cheatles, a Beatle’s tribute band (We are from Liverpool, remember!) complete with the funniest, head shaking Paul McCartney I have ever seen…?
It was wonderful, and surely well worth the wait, for my lovely friends who first met at Primary school and then took 29 years to make it down the aisle…
The next day it was chucking it down with rain, and definitely not the perfect weather, one needs on a wedding day. But I got my handbag and gladrags together, wrote Mark’s best man speech in ten minutes flat, then bundled finley into the car while the rain melted my mascara, then ran back to the house to lock the front door, jumped into the car, tried to see through the violent rain and suddenly found myself attached to an Audi Estate…
To Finleys delight we had, had a smash and a bash with another car, and there was an angry man looming over me, and the? front of the car was all over the road next to the house and I was all of a fluster, and the man was lovely and wouldn’t you just know I would have my first crash ever ever when we were already late because Finley wanted to wear? Bob The Builder pyjama’s to a wedding, and Mark was off being a best man, and I was at home being the worst driver in the world and getting told off by a stranger, and maybe it was his fault for speeding – I noticed that he did have the sense to call a lawyer about his Reckless Driving though, so even though it defintiely wasn’t my fault, he may not get into too much trouble. But anyway, yes I did have a brush to sweep up my shattered headlight and oh God, I was definitely going to be late now…
So in a fit of madness, I got in the bashed up car and drove a million miles at 3 miles an hour to the wedding, and collapsed into my seat just as the bride arrived, while I mouthed I. Have. Crashed. to Mark as he stood next to the shaking bridegroom. Then Finley announced to the whole of the congregation that he needed to put his chocchoc (be quiet in church bribe!) wrapper in the bin, and then got quite persistent, so I had to take him out, so I missed my lovely Peter making his vows to his bride Andrea, while Finley found himself irrationally terrified of the stained glass Jesus, and I strained to hear what was being said…
Then it was off to the reception, and the ordeal of the speeches…
Mark, in much need of a valium,was shaking has he stood up, and I have never been so nervous for anyone else in my life, but if children exist for anything, it turns out be for breaking the ice for scared Daddies…
Just as Mark was forcing his opening line out of his mouth, Finley turned around and shouted “I love you Daddy…” The whole room laughed and off Mark went to deliver with good humour, style and laughs just where they were needed, the best speech I ever wrote…
Two hours later,? after my Dad had arrived to pick the baby up,? tow the car away, and tell me off good and proper for driving it at all, I was having my first gin and tonic of the day and finally started to enjoy what turned out to be the second of two wonderful weddings…
Ah, you poor dear! You are a trooper and I admire your determination! You have a way of making the most mundane, horrific, or ordinary events come to life. Thanks for a Monday morning smile. Also, thanks for the "Finn Fix"….I have missed the little guy! Kudos to Mark for giving "your" speech its due (I can only imagine how your talents shone in the words he spoke!) Sounds like you had a great time in spite of the crash…just happy no one was injured, other than your pride. Take care of yourself and take a breath……..you deserve it.
Bless your heart.
Well, you won't forget that wedding in a hurry! But it was a good thing you all got there in one piece and your husband's and Finn's performances went well! I love children at weddings! The cake sounded lovely!Glad they both turned out well.
Wonderful!!! How sweet Finley is, and you…such an entertaining account!