Waiter, Waiter, There Is A FingerNail In My Salmon!

By Alison March 4, 2007 9 Comments 1 Min Read


In the whole scheme of things there are embarrassing moments that pass within the flicker of an eyelash and there are those that will haunt you for the rest of your life, ruin your chances with a terribly nice man and no doubt, make you cringe everytime you hear the word salmon ever after…

I had a man around for dinner on Friday night. We talked a whole lot a lotta and in the process  I burnt the salmon to cinders. So into the kitchen we went. I faffed about trying to revive something clearly dead and he hovered about pinching bits of  parma ham left over from the starter  and  making me so nervous I  dropped  a false fingernail into the salmon.  And couldn’t see it, because the goddamn kitchen was "romantically" lit and clearly not conducive for hunting for fake body parts in burnt food.

But find it I did, performing an elaborate series of moves I hoped disguised the fact that I had dropped something gruesome into the already gruesome food I  intended to make him eat regardless…

And eat it he did. Though clearly it nearly choked him, while I am of course entirely used to my own burnt offerings and really rather enjoyed it.

You will not I suppose, be surprised, to hear that I haven’t heard from him since. Carrie Bradshaw I’m clearly not…

Bless me.


  1. cindy says:

    Hillarious Alison!
    At least you HAD a man….rejoice it that!! ; )I'd be glad to have a man PEROID!

  2. phyllis says:

    Well obviously he isn't Mr. Right. Mr. Right would have taken your arm, lead you to the car, insisted on picking up Finley and taken both of you out for a steak.

  3. Kim says:

    I'm with Phyllis…if he can't get over a piece of burnt fish, you don't want him anyway!

  4. Leny says:

    Well, remember Bridget Jones preparing her
    birthday dinner?
    Remember the blue string soup?
    What I'm trying to say here
    is if it's you he wants
    he'll be back, no matter

  5. leabertdot says:

    Oh Alison,thankyou for your daily inspiration.You are a real treat. If 'man' can't see that then it's his loss.

  6. Beachy says:

    Oh this post just brought a giggle to my heart! I once dropped the cap to a Salter salt mill into my stew… luckily for me I was the one who landed up with it in my bowl!

  7. Lisa says:

    Another absolute classic. You couldn't make up this stuff! Just wanted to share a recent find of mine with you and your readers, this girl is sooo talented and most worthy of being given a mention on your site? All the best, Lisa x http://search.ebay.co.uk/_W0QQfgtpZ1QQfrppZ50QQsa

  8. donna says:

    Aaaah bless you Alison, how could he not fall for you after that?!! He's clearly not worthy 😉

  9. Wine cures all, that is why in siutations like that we resort to opening anothe rbottle and having a couch picnic with french bread and good cheese.

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