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  1. Alison, I think some things are too big for some people to cry over.
    I, who cries at every little thing, have never cried over a loved one’s demise. My grandmother has been gone 22 years, my mom 11 years, and my grandpa 10 years and I have never shed a tear even though I miss them very much. And all three died suddenly. Maybe the shock of that never goes away?
    Hang in there, kiddo. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

  2. I’ve been thinking about you, Alison. My mom died when I was 12. We all experience death of loved ones and everyone’s experiences are unique. I wish I could just hold your hand, for even though we’ve never met, I feel of you as a dear friend. XOXO

  3. Oh, Alison, I am thinking of you every day. And I know that the anger can be so real, and it is one of the emotions that take us by surprise. And probably the last to fade. I wish I could make it better for you

  4. Alison, I have been thinking of you every day since reading about your Mum’s death. I’ve lost my Dad and my son, and know what you’re saying… We do carry them within us now, within our hearts.
    Grief is complex. I will not even start to talk about it here. But yes, she is gone. Your precious Mum has gone. Anger and outrage will be familiar shadows. I am sorry my friend. x

  5. All you have voiced, exactly to the letter how I have been with the loss of my Mother. We were so close yet at the dreaded funeral I became a cross between a head teacher and matron, I am fine thank you ! In snappy smiling tones. No tears. Anger at those with very aged Mother’s. My husband’s is 92 on no medication, how unequal. I have kept my thoughts to myself your post has made me feel I am not alone in what must appear to others unrational behaviour.
    Agree with Dawn, shock to the system and beyond tears.
    I am very sorry.

  6. Alison, you,re still in my thoughts since i read about your mother,s death.
    I also didn,t cry after my mothers death, grieve comes in different stages ,
    Step by step you go through it,until the day comes when you can smile again by the thought of her without feeling sad …

  7. Do not consider yourself inappropriate at all dear girl. This is simply how YOU are grieving. I understand the lack of tears. I was like that with my dad’s death – quiet, still comical but slowed. Thank you for sharing. Prayers continue for you.

  8. Dear Alison
    How beautiful and eloquent your writing is. I remember after my own darling mom died I mooched around the house with a feeling of not really being there; it was as if I was watching myself from a distance. I was actually amazed (and angry too) that the world continued to go on without her in it. Shortly afterwards I discovered y0ur lovely blog ( I believe you started it around the time of Mom’s passing) and it has brought me much comfort and pleasure since.
    I think of you daily and send you my love.

  9. Alison, I am sitting here, stunned, in the topical sunshine, my hair a cloud in the wind as we speed down a highway in The Florida Keys. What a strange shock and pain to hear about the death of your mum on our getaway from winter. As someone said above, I’ve never met you(though I’d love to!) but I feel like you are a friend. I wish we could and have cupcakes and iced lemon water under one of these Palm trees and laugh painfully and inappropriately, and I’d love to hear stories about all the pieces of her motherhood and the whys and wherefore of her going on. Death is strange, mothers are magic, friends are good and real, even if they are thousands of miles away and have no hours logged in the same room. Sending you lots of love and peace as you wade through it and fold your mother into yourself. coxoxoxox

  10. It strikes me that as there are all kinds of people, there should be all kinds of ways to grieve for them, and for ourselves for what we have lost, and gained. Xxx

  11. You will always grieve, it will just be in different ways, over the years. I lost my mother today, 35 years ago. I was out of the country when it happened, and couldn’t get back home for 3 days. I had to take care of things and push aside my grief so I could do that. And then I had to return back overseas, for I was in the military. And I had to go back to work and to my life, so far away from home, and I grieved in little bits of time, here and there. I am still grieving for my loss of her, for the fact that she was not there when I married, when I had my children, when I needed a mom. My daughters never knew her, and she’d have been a wonderful grandmother. But much of what I do, she has taught me. She is with me, and I am with her, and your mom is with you all the time. Be kind to yourself. You must grow up now. And it’s awful. I am thinking of you with much compassion.

  12. You will. When the time is right and you are free to cry, you will. But for now you’re being the jolly one, the strong one, the capable and organised one.
    Perhaps that’s what you need to be, for you or those around you.
    There will come a night when you sit and weep. There will come a time when you hold her picture, or her book, or her hanky and weep.
    Don’t rush to clear her. Don’t race to sweep away all the clothes and detritus of a life well lived and left empty. In a while (a year, a month, next week) you will want to hold all that you have left and weep.
    Bless you all. Be strong x

  13. You are in a limbo between one place and another, that is often how the time between a death and the subsequent funeral feels. How dare the rest of the world keep turning on its axis at a time like this! Don’t oveanalyze your feelings and actions, this is just how you are processing what has happened. Doesn’t matter about other people’s opinions, it is you that this is happening to. It will pass, and once the funeral is over the healing will begin. Hang in there.

  14. Do not hurry
    as you walk with grief;
    it does not help the journey.
    Walk slowly, pausing often:
    do not hurry
    as you walk with grief.
    Be not disturbed
    by memories that come unbidden.
    Swiftly forgive;
    and let Christ speak for you
    unspoken words.
    Unfinished conversation
    will be resolved in Him.
    Be not disturbed.
    Be gentle with the one
    who walks with grief.
    If it is you,
    be gentle with yourself.
    Swiftly forgive;
    walk slowly,
    pausing often.
    Take time, be gentle
    as you walk with grief.
    Please email me if you want to talk. I’m only in Manchester. Praying for you and your family xxx

  15. Your pain and grief follow me as I go about my day. I wonder at it, feel bad at it, pray about it, forget it and remember it yet again. Every word you write is grief. I send loving thoughts and hugs.

  16. Today must have been very difficult for you, I know it has been for me and my mum has been gone over two years. My thoughts have been with you today.

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