It’s official. My marbles have rolled under the bed. Or the dog has chucked them out of the window. Today I did something I have never done in eleven years of blogging: I accidentally posted something I have posted before. (Blink and you would have missed it). After a morning of dog walking and carrot juicing I was feeling fired up and I sat down with my little notebook full of scrawled poems and settled on one that seemed to reflect my mood. I added a picture, pressed publish and lo and behold I had posted a poem I had already shared and didn’t realise until I found myself thinking as I stood pouring water on to coffee, that the reason why the poem seemed so familiar is because I had already posted it. I am not good at asking for help. In fact I am even pretty rubbish at taking it when it is offered. And people are so very kind. Lately I have been awash with offers of help as I continue to drag myself out of the mud that has been the past three years. They offer and I pretend I didn’t hear them. Or I mutter, please don’t worry, I am ok, no really I am ok, when it must be obvious to all and sundry that right now I couldn’t be less than ok. Shouldn’t be ok. Ok is in fact something not required of me at all right now. You see, put it this way: If my house was a hotel and I arrived to stay here and met me, as my landlady, I would not only refuse to stay but would firmly confound matters by writing the kind of review of Trip Advisor that would make the national newspapers. Hell yes: I can no longer refer to Chez Brocante but must now call home, Shed Brocante where she who used to be Alison May now resides. Help is a conundrum of awkward manners and the admittance of failure. Refuse it and you seem rude. Or stubborn. Or stupid and curmudgeonly. Accept it and you feel as though you are letting the whole world down. And worse than that, that you have failed in the kind of spectacular fashion it is all too obvious, the whole world can see. That makes me feel ashamed. Vulnerable. And silly. And weak. And silly and weak are the kind of personality traits I cannot abide in other people so how in the name of all things festive am I too admit that today I am feeling both silly and weak? Frankly it’s a no-can-do in a situation where help right now could make all the difference. But people want to help. They offer time, and money, advice, cold hot chocolate and a hug. They bring flowers and a smile, they send middle of the night texts that simply say “Are you ok?” and they tell me that they love me over and over again and that none of this is my fault. That it would be ok to stop sacrificing all that I need and sit down and have a little sob for all that is lost. For all that will soon be lost. That it would be mighty fine and just downright bloody dandy to say I can’t do this right now. I don’t know what to do next on a list of a million things I don’t feel capable of doing. I’m a little frightened Sweetie… It would be all right for me to say it and readers, my darling lovely readers, it would be all right for you to say it too. For here is the thing: if we were watching someone else struggle we would down tools and do everything we could to help them, even when we are utterly incapable of helping ourselves. We would step out of our coat and wrap it around someone who really needed it. Hand over our last penny. Stop the clock and try to fix them. I would. You would. We all would. So why is it so terribly hard to ask for help with both the big stuff (the un-paid bill, the child who seems sad, the house we cannot keep warm) and the little stuff (the door that sticks, the pint of milk we could do with someone bringing in, time out from a busy day)? I would like to say I have the answer, but I am probably ludicrously prouder or even more stubborn than you are. So this is a turning point. Today I am going to ask for the help I need. I am going to say NO to anyone who asks me if I’m ok and then I am going to take whatever they offer because despite my reluctance to accept help, today I need it. And maybe you do too. Maybe you too need a little patience from those who care. Maybe you need to hear them say I love you and I can fix this and for once you are going to let me. Maybe you need to return the calls, answer the texts, lose yourself in their arms or let them cook dinner tonight. Maybe it is time to stop and face the music: you cannot do everything yourself and you are destroying your whole life, trying. Your body will give in long before your head does and that is a dangerous place to be. You don’t have to keep on keeping on when you are going around in circles. You aren’t designed to handle catastrophe all by yourself. No-one, not even you, is strong enough for that. And so there we have it readers: another blogging first – the first blog post I have written with tears in my eyes. Time to stop trying to be strong.
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
Ok, at the risk of sounding like Scrooge’s Wife, I don’t like Christmas cards. Send me a letter any time of the year, send me unexpected cards just because it’s Tuesday, but please no gruesome village scene on the kind of paper-thin…
Heavens above, life can be so very, very sad. May she rest in dewberry scented peace, safe in the knowledge that the world is a better place for having had her in it. Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome Browse the Bookstore…
Bettina and Bob are a rather charming vintage couple navigating their way through new married life and the setting up of a well thought out first home and this is the second  of many appearances they will be making here on Brocantehome,…
I can’t stop looking at it. Is it me or is it really beautiful? Over a hundred years (it’s dated between 1850 and 1870) of history wrapped up in pale pink satin. Bidding starts at $20.00 from a seller with a 99.6% …
One day you finally knewwhat you had to do, and began,though the voices around youkept shoutingtheir bad advice–though the whole housebegan to trembleand you felt the old tugat your ankles."Mend my life!"each voice cried.But you didn’t stop.You knew what you had to…
Isn’t it wonderful how life arranges scrumptiously serendipitous little coincidences? While browsing the shelves of the local library a few months ago I happened across Revolutionary Road and drawn by the fifties artwork on the cover popped it into my pink basket…
20 Comments
Oh Alison, I wish I could just give you a giant hug and a big pot of tea.
If I lived near you, I would call in sick from work and show up on your doorstep, demanding you let me help in whatever way I could. I wish you were not SO FAR AWAY, for you have helped me through so many things with your posts. I read your monthly puttery posts every single night, along with Simple Abundance posts. We are all here for you.
Alison, I, too, wish I could be of help. I have learned a lot in the past few years. One thing I now know is that you have to be specific, and tell people exactly what you need when they ask. And it is so difficult to do this. Sometimes I think I will scream when people tell me how strong I am and how well I cope with tragedy, because, of course, I am not strong, and I don’t cope very well at all most days. You are a woman of such great talent, and have been such a beacon to so many. Let us help you and tell us what you need. Love from Iowa, Sandi
I’ve had this discussion many a time. We are all happy to help a sister out…but being the sister who has to admit to being in need of help is super-duper hard. Alison, part of becoming a whole adult person is learning to admit that you are human and can’t always handle everything and sometimes need help. Give your friends the blessing of helping you. They want to. It hurts them when you won’t let them. You know this because it hurts you when your friends will not let you help them. The myth that we have to pretend that we can handle it all on our own is one that keeps us apart and stops us from being the sisters we can be.
Alison i think that you must have been sent to me, i am not ok and i am not ok to ask for help. its so hard to keep going but its even harder to ask. sending you much love X
Alison you are a brave, brave woman. It is hard to ask (and it is almost as hard to make yourself not throw everything at someone you love who is struggling and thereby smother them). Sticking your fingers in your ears and tra-la-laa-ing doesn’t work and neither does toughie-not-giving-in-ness. To ask for help doesn’t make you weak even though it might make you feel terribly vulnerable – probably the last thing you need if you’re going through life thin-skinned and trying to hold it together. I’ll echo everyone who’d like to offer practical help. I can’t bear to think of you not being able to be warm when you’ve offered such warm words to others. And I’m sure you’re more Beach Hut Brocante than shed (although I love my shed very much :)) Please reach back and grab those hands that are stretching out to you. Fear of failure and of being thought of as silly are all part of being human – most people are peddling like hell just to keep going in their own lives – and if they stop to gawk at you well, that’s just rubber-necking – so sod them. Please be kind to yourself. I hope things feel a bit better – and I’m sure they will get better. Finally – these people are great if you need to just talk it out with someone http://www.samaritans.org They helped me so much when I was going through a very bad patch in the past as a result of living with the neighbours from hell. And yes, I felt silly and melodramatic about being unable to cope with it. Not being able to cope is nothing to be ashamed of. Much love to you and your boy xx
Thanks for sharing that you feel the same way I do at times. One thing is for sure is that it will pass. The sun comes up and the birds do sing. Hugs and kisses from across the ocean blue and wish I was physically there to help. If there is any thing I can do let me know! Happy Thanksgiving and thankful for all your insight and also the blessings we do have in front of us.
So sorry to hear this but so glad you are reaching out. I’ve read your blog for a long time from the states and adore it. I’ve always been very stoic and never asked for help. That was before I became a single mother and came down with RA. I’ve asked for help since then and been overwhelmed by the response. Hang in there.
Alison, you are absolutely right that it is hard to ask for help, and sometimes, having asked, it is still hard to accept it. Be brave, ask, and keep asking. Lots of love to you and Finn xxx
Darling Alison, You are a strong woman, just not right now. I have suffered long and hard with depression as well. So much so that I had a rather untidy breakdown at work….could not stop crying no matter how much I tried to suppress it. I took an eight month sabbatical, sought help, got help through my Dr., psychologists and read so many books on emotional health. Turns out I was severely anemic, had a very low thyroid, and I rested, meditated, took the medicines, and the thing that I believe helped me the most was one counselor advised me to look up Cognitive Distortions. I did and found that it referenced me totally. I look at them daily. It helps to know just what you are up against so that you can. You know that nasty inner voice you have that tells you that you are useless, fat, lazy, stupid? Give her a name. When she starts talking her nasty little taunts, tell her to Feck off! I call my inner demon Rosalita. I’ll say..”Alright Rosalita, bugger off
I dont know what I can give to you my dear blogging friend. A new heart that isnt cracked? An old home that doesn’t creak? An endless supply of milk and tea and great stacks of books? An ex who grows some balls? A small boy who is utterly perfect? Oh wait, you have that last one. I am far away and not a magician so these things are impossible. But I am close enough to your pain to say I shall think of you often and lift your needs to the universe whenever I do. I will think about you in a better place mentally. I will think positively about you and your future that anything but isn’t even an option. I lift you up Dear Alison May for healing physically, mentally and spiritually and I will do so until it is done. PEACE be with you. (((Hugs))) Lynn in North Dakota, USA
Darling Alison, You are a strong woman, just not right now. I have suffered long and hard with depression as well. So much so that I had a rather untidy breakdown at work….could not stop crying no matter how much I tried to suppress it. I took an eight month sabbatical, sought help, got help through my Dr., psychologists and read so many books on emotional health. Turns out I was severely anemic, had a very low thyroid, and I rested, meditated, took the medicines, and the thing that I believe helped me the most was one counselor advised me to look up Cognitive Distortions. I did and found that it referenced me totally. I look at them daily. It helps to know just what you are up against so that you can push away those negative thoughts. You know that nasty inner voice you have that tells you that you are useless, fat, lazy, stupid? Give her a name. When she starts talking her nasty little taunts, tell her to Feck off! I call my inner demon Rosalita. I’ll say..”Alright Rosalita, bugger off, I’m not putting up with you today.” Silly as it sounds it works! It helps keep you aware of beating yourself up, and to just stop it in it’s tracks. You are such a lovely inspiring woman. Keep saying THAT to yourself. A LOT. You are loved by so many people this world over! You are loved by friends and family. Try to know this to be true. Because….it is! Now for the past…leave it there. It’s done with. Don’t ruminate the thoughts (ruminating being one of the cognitive distortions) Don’t beat yourself up, with “I should haves”, or “Whys”, or whatever the painful past brought you. That painful past has taught you lessons. Use the lessons. Don’t close yourself off because you were hurt. Open your heart…slowly, carefully, but please do OPEN YOUR HEART, if only to accept the love and help your loved ones are offering you. Accept the nurturing…accept the care, and help. If it makes you cry, cry grateful tears. Relax and let people around you love, nurture and help. and sleep, lots and lots. Maybe your lovely Finn is sad because he feels your sadness. Cuddle him, feel sad together. Talk to him about your sadness….his sadness….assure him that this too shall pass. It will. Sweet Alison please be gentle with yourself…..let people love and care for you. It not only helps you, it will help them as well, giving is such a healing emotion, don’t deprive them of that. The past can be so very painful and sad. But it’s the PAST. You are through the nastiest part of it, now it’s time for you to let it go and start healing. Look forward, your future absolutely sparkles and glows and throbs with wonderfulness. Trust that. Picture it and it will become just that. Great big hugs and kisses. Julie
0h, Alison. These things will pass or at least work themselves out. Our mind makes our problems seem so insurmountable at times. I’d say, keep up with your meditation, and cry it out or write it out to keep your mind as tidy as it can. Keep up the gratitude journal. Move. Love…accept it and give it to all you care about. So many of us out here are sending you love and positive energy. Hugs and love, Heather
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
Oh Alison, I wish I could just give you a giant hug and a big pot of tea.
Please email me Alison, if I can help I will honey, dont sit alone with whatever is going on xx
How i wish i could help you !! So a big ((((((((((( hug ))))))) for you !!
If I lived near you, I would call in sick from work and show up on your doorstep, demanding you let me help in whatever way I could. I wish you were not SO FAR AWAY, for you have helped me through so many things with your posts. I read your monthly puttery posts every single night, along with Simple Abundance posts. We are all here for you.
Alison, I, too, wish I could be of help. I have learned a lot in the past few years. One thing I now know is that you have to be specific, and tell people exactly what you need when they ask. And it is so difficult to do this. Sometimes I think I will scream when people tell me how strong I am and how well I cope with tragedy, because, of course, I am not strong, and I don’t cope very well at all most days.
You are a woman of such great talent, and have been such a beacon to so many. Let us help you and tell us what you need.
Love from Iowa,
Sandi
I’ve had this discussion many a time. We are all happy to help a sister out…but being the sister who has to admit to being in need of help is super-duper hard. Alison, part of becoming a whole adult person is learning to admit that you are human and can’t always handle everything and sometimes need help. Give your friends the blessing of helping you. They want to. It hurts them when you won’t let them. You know this because it hurts you when your friends will not let you help them.
The myth that we have to pretend that we can handle it all on our own is one that keeps us apart and stops us from being the sisters we can be.
Alison i think that you must have been sent to me, i am not ok and i am not ok to ask for help. its so hard to keep going but its even harder to ask. sending you much love X
Alison you are a brave, brave woman. It is hard to ask (and it is almost as hard to make yourself not throw everything at someone you love who is struggling and thereby smother them). Sticking your fingers in your ears and tra-la-laa-ing doesn’t work and neither does toughie-not-giving-in-ness. To ask for help doesn’t make you weak even though it might make you feel terribly vulnerable – probably the last thing you need if you’re going through life thin-skinned and trying to hold it together.
I’ll echo everyone who’d like to offer practical help. I can’t bear to think of you not being able to be warm when you’ve offered such warm words to others. And I’m sure you’re more Beach Hut Brocante than shed (although I love my shed very much :))
Please reach back and grab those hands that are stretching out to you. Fear of failure and of being thought of as silly are all part of being human – most people are peddling like hell just to keep going in their own lives – and if they stop to gawk at you well, that’s just rubber-necking – so sod them.
Please be kind to yourself. I hope things feel a bit better – and I’m sure they will get better.
Finally – these people are great if you need to just talk it out with someone http://www.samaritans.org They helped me so much when I was going through a very bad patch in the past as a result of living with the neighbours from hell. And yes, I felt silly and melodramatic about being unable to cope with it. Not being able to cope is nothing to be ashamed of.
Much love to you and your boy xx
What do you need ? xxxxxx
Is there anything I can do? What do you need?
Thanks for sharing that you feel the same way I do at times. One thing is for sure is that it will pass. The sun comes up and the birds do sing. Hugs and kisses from across the ocean blue and wish I was physically there to help. If there is any thing I can do let me know! Happy Thanksgiving and thankful for all your insight and also the blessings we do have in front of us.
Just being who you are is enough Alison. Just being there. Baby steps. You are loved.
Blessings to you and Finn.
Barbara
So sorry to hear this but so glad you are reaching out. I’ve read your blog for a long time from the states and adore it. I’ve always been very stoic and never asked for help. That was before I became a single mother and came down with RA. I’ve asked for help since then and been overwhelmed by the response. Hang in there.
Alison, you are absolutely right that it is hard to ask for help, and sometimes, having asked, it is still hard to accept it. Be brave, ask, and keep asking. Lots of love to you and Finn xxx
One day at a time. And please let your friends help you, because they love you. As do your readers x
Darling Alison,
You are a strong woman, just not right now. I have suffered long and hard with depression as well. So much so that I had a rather untidy breakdown at work….could not stop crying no matter how much I tried to suppress it. I took an eight month sabbatical, sought help, got help through my Dr., psychologists and read so many books on emotional health. Turns out I was severely anemic, had a very low thyroid, and I rested, meditated, took the medicines, and the thing that I believe helped me the most was one counselor advised me to look up Cognitive Distortions. I did and found that it referenced me totally. I look at them daily. It helps to know just what you are up against so that you can. You know that nasty inner voice you have that tells you that you are useless, fat, lazy, stupid? Give her a name. When she starts talking her nasty little taunts, tell her to Feck off! I call my inner demon Rosalita. I’ll say..”Alright Rosalita, bugger off
I dont know what I can give to you my dear blogging friend. A new heart that isnt cracked? An old home that doesn’t creak? An endless supply of milk and tea and great stacks of books? An ex who grows some balls? A small boy who is utterly perfect? Oh wait, you have that last one. I am far away and not a magician so these things are impossible. But I am close enough to your pain to say I shall think of you often and lift your needs to the universe whenever I do. I will think about you in a better place mentally. I will think positively about you and your future that anything but isn’t even an option. I lift you up Dear Alison May for healing physically, mentally and spiritually and I will do so until it is done. PEACE be with you. (((Hugs))) Lynn in North Dakota, USA
Darling Alison,
You are a strong woman, just not right now. I have suffered long and hard with depression as well. So much so that I had a rather untidy breakdown at work….could not stop crying no matter how much I tried to suppress it. I took an eight month sabbatical, sought help, got help through my Dr., psychologists and read so many books on emotional health. Turns out I was severely anemic, had a very low thyroid, and I rested, meditated, took the medicines, and the thing that I believe helped me the most was one counselor advised me to look up Cognitive Distortions. I did and found that it referenced me totally. I look at them daily. It helps to know just what you are up against so that you can push away those negative thoughts. You know that nasty inner voice you have that tells you that you are useless, fat, lazy, stupid? Give her a name. When she starts talking her nasty little taunts, tell her to Feck off! I call my inner demon Rosalita. I’ll say..”Alright Rosalita, bugger off, I’m not putting up with you today.”
Silly as it sounds it works! It helps keep you aware of beating yourself up, and to just stop it in it’s tracks. You are such a lovely inspiring woman. Keep saying THAT to yourself. A LOT. You are loved by so many people this world over! You are loved by friends and family. Try to know this to be true. Because….it is! Now for the past…leave it there. It’s done with. Don’t ruminate the thoughts (ruminating being one of the cognitive distortions) Don’t beat yourself up, with “I should haves”, or “Whys”, or whatever the painful past brought you. That painful past has taught you lessons. Use the lessons. Don’t close yourself off because you were hurt. Open your heart…slowly, carefully, but please do OPEN YOUR HEART, if only to accept the love and help your loved ones are offering you. Accept the nurturing…accept the care, and help. If it makes you cry, cry grateful tears. Relax and let people around you love, nurture and help. and sleep, lots and lots. Maybe your lovely Finn is sad because he feels your sadness. Cuddle him, feel sad together. Talk to him about your sadness….his sadness….assure him that this too shall pass. It will. Sweet Alison please be gentle with yourself…..let people love and care for you. It not only helps you, it will help them as well, giving is such a healing emotion, don’t deprive them of that. The past can be so very painful and sad. But it’s the PAST. You are through the nastiest part of it, now it’s time for you to let it go and start healing. Look forward, your future absolutely sparkles and glows and throbs with wonderfulness. Trust that. Picture it and it will become just that.
Great big hugs and kisses.
Julie
0h, Alison. These things will pass or at least work themselves out. Our mind makes our problems seem so insurmountable at times. I’d say, keep up with your meditation, and cry it out or write it out to keep your mind as tidy as it can. Keep up the gratitude journal. Move. Love…accept it and give it to all you care about. So many of us out here are sending you love and positive energy. Hugs and love, Heather
Wishing I could help you xx