Auntie Flo.

By alison November 9, 2006 20 Comments 2 Min Read

Cakes

Once a month I turn into the housekeeper from hell. There’s just no talking to me. Mostly because I don’t want to talk to you.

I just want to eat cake. For breakfast. For elevenses. For dinner and supper and everytime I have to stop at goddamn traffic lights or nauny three year olds mistake me for their lady in waiting.

Nothing fits. I’m bursting out my bra and  Balamory is bursting my eardrums.

Spill milk and I will cry. Spill anything else and I will send you straight to the  "thinking about what you have done"  mat. Tell me I live in a world of my own and it won’t take more than a hop, skip and a jump to send me hurtling back to the cosy cuggle that is my bed.

So I’ve been thinking. If it is necessary for us to endure this monthly hell, I see no reason why we should not be allowed to declare ourselves out of order for the day and indulge our urge for chocolate orange pudding eaten in our oldest vest and ratty period knickers. On a tray. Under the duvet. All day long.

Imagine that. A whole new Brocante ritual! Imagine if we really did begin to look forward to the worst few days of the month! If we kind of made them the most scrumptious days of the month if only because we declared a strike and let ourselves be ever so slightly outrageous  in the supermarket: buying gateaux and shouting at dithery old  fools  who  can’t reach things on the top shelves.

I get trolley rage. And buy fresh pasta. I buy spices I don’t need and choose wine and chocolate over necessities like dishwasher tablets. I smirk at people I don’t like and occasionally ignore the phone. I make Finley give me more snuggles than it is cool for a babba to give. I get kind of needy and whingy and make no sense. I am in short, a cow.

Because I can.  Becasue pmt is torture and there has to be some compensation in this life…

Bleep! There goes the microwave. Another chocolate pudding down the hatch.

Promise I’ll be nice tomorrow.

P.S: Seems such a ritual has existed since biblical times…

Redtent

Thanks To Lisa at Momtourage for the recommendation…

Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome

20 Comments

  1. Lisa says:

    Have you ever read The Red Tent by Anita Diamant? It's set in Biblical times when women were banished to the red tent when Aunt Flo came to visit. It was a wondeful female bonding ritual that men would never dare to interrupt. It's a fabulous book to read- especially while eating cake.

  2. Lisa says:

    Have you ever read The Red Tent by Anita Diamant? It's set in Biblical times when women were banished to the red tent when Aunt Flo came to visit. It was a wondeful female bonding ritual that men would never dare to interrupt. It's a fabulous book to read- especially while eating cake.

  3. I always tell my family when auntie flo is due…helps the whole situation! lol
    I've got to agree with your suggestion whole-heartedly, makes perfect sense!

  4. I always tell my family when auntie flo is due…helps the whole situation! lol
    I've got to agree with your suggestion whole-heartedly, makes perfect sense!

  5. Amy says:

    I know just how you feel! I just can't imagine being banished to a different house/tent though 🙂

  6. Amy says:

    I know just how you feel! I just can't imagine being banished to a different house/tent though 🙂

  7. Alicat says:

    hah — feel better sweet Alison! 🙂

  8. Alicat says:

    hah — feel better sweet Alison! 🙂

  9. lizzie says:

    I dont care what I come back as in the next life as long as I can eat what I want.

  10. lizzie says:

    I dont care what I come back as in the next life as long as I can eat what I want.

  11. Kim says:

    heehee…I'm in on this "day-off" once a month thing!

  12. Kim says:

    heehee…I'm in on this "day-off" once a month thing!

  13. Savannah says:

    Boo… I'm off of you tonight Alison. First, it was the Power Rangers and now you discover this wonderful pamper yourself thing when I'm at the door of NEVER having a visit from Auntie Flo again!!! After struggling along for nearly half a century! Booo! hahaa… I'll just set aside a day I feel horrible, like take your pick! and P.S. I always called her "The Red Fairy."

  14. Savannah says:

    Boo… I'm off of you tonight Alison. First, it was the Power Rangers and now you discover this wonderful pamper yourself thing when I'm at the door of NEVER having a visit from Auntie Flo again!!! After struggling along for nearly half a century! Booo! hahaa… I'll just set aside a day I feel horrible, like take your pick! and P.S. I always called her "The Red Fairy."

  15. Karla says:

    I loved The Red Tent. It suddenly made Aunt Flo's visits seem a bit more natural in my mind – rather than the horrible thing it really has seemed to be all these years.
    Pass the cake, by the way!

  16. Karla says:

    I loved The Red Tent. It suddenly made Aunt Flo's visits seem a bit more natural in my mind – rather than the horrible thing it really has seemed to be all these years.
    Pass the cake, by the way!

  17. Linda says:

    Oh, you're absolutely right. And I love The Red Tent, it's in my permanent collection.
    (what do you think that is on the bottom right, it looks like corndogs!?)

  18. Linda says:

    Oh, you're absolutely right. And I love The Red Tent, it's in my permanent collection.
    (what do you think that is on the bottom right, it looks like corndogs!?)

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