If ever you needed proof that I am not the infallible, perfect housekeeper I worry you think I might be, last night I went to bed leaving the laundry drying in the garden. Drying in the rain. Oh yes. After a spectacularly sunny day, I popped the washing maiden out on to the decking while I mopped the laundry room floor and then I forgot about it and went inside to eat prawn salad and snuggle my tired babba and congratulate myself on finally releasing my other baby, Housekeeping 365 out into the world.
Readers I was feeling pretty smug. I was feeling so tired it hurt to touch my skin and so thrilled with myself I sat up till midnight watching John Bishop and seeing how high I could drop a grape into my mouth and catch it without sending it straight down my gullet and dying a horrible chokey death while Alice the kitten looked on and laughed.
But I digress. The issue here is the maiden full of laundry sitting on the decking. When I finally forced myself out of my armchair I switched off all the lights, popped Alice in to her polka dotty basket and closing the top of the stable door into the garden observed the maiden and decided then and there to do nothing about it. Yes readers I left it there on purpose, because I was high on life or stretching my domestic boundaries or feeling outrageously rebellious or something equally as daring or silly, and off I trotted to sleep the dead, wild sleep of the permanently exhausted.
This morning I woke up and spied through the curtains on the kind of grey, drizzly rain we British excel at. I got up and argued with Finn about why he would be wearing school shorts instead of trousers now we were into the summer term and made myself a stupidly strong coffee and then remembered about the maiden, so I popped my head out of the kitchen window and looked upon a teeny yard without a maiden in sight.
For a moment I thought I was having housekeepery hallucinations and then I convinced myself that this was the universe’s penance for being slovenly, but by the time I had shoved my feet into a pair of cherry red gardening clogs and dashed into the garden I discovered that the maiden had not been spirited away for punishment but had in fact being neatly moved to near the garden gate.
Who would do such a thing? Who?? Who?
I stood scratching my head weighing up the likely candidates.
Back in the 1970’s some naughty man would regularly steal knickers off my Mum’s washing line, but nowadays perverts can indulge in much more sordid past times and the likelihood of some passing weirdo nipping down the communal path of our Victorian quartered gardens struck me as highly unlikely seen as my large black undergarments would better serve as parachutes, then fodder for fantasy. So I ruled out a pervert in an instant.
Then there was the neighbors A couple of pensionable age on my left, and a single mother and a single father to my right. Never having known any of them to organize my washing in the fourteen years I have lived here, I simply cannot fathom why they would take it into their heads to enter my garden and re-arrange my domestic doings.
Finally I had to consider the possibility of a particularly neat burglar, moving the maiden out of the way so he could case the joint and quickly establish that I live in Fort Knox and own a rather ferocious black kitten of the sort medieval witches were known to harbor It was a possibility but would such a naughty criminal take the time to re-arrange the laundry? For yes indeed, Finn’s skeleton onesie was arranged in a manner that I, Queen of the Laundry, would simply never contemplate.
Heavens to Betsy, if it isn’t the kind of mystery that could keep Agatha Raisin cursing snakes and bastards for the rest of her lifetime, then I don’t know what it is.
In the end I put it down to particularly meddlesome housekeeping pixies or the cheeky gnome swinging from the new shed, shoved the wet laundry back into the washing machine and resolved never to rebel against my inner housewife again. From now on I will string a line across the kitchen and behave myself.
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
I had a meltdown yesterday. After a foggy few weeks of terrible flu I came to and found myself discombobulated. More than out sorts: beyond myself. Broken. Brittle and unreasonable. Blessed with the kind of violent energy that had me screeching about…
A grey and wet February morning, so cold my toes are turning blue. At ten past ten in the morning there has already been much chaos in the lane, courtesy of a rather large lorry crashing into a row of cars outside…
I am not naturally kind. Not because I am not instinctively kind, but because embarrassment prevents me from offering that kindness to others. It is a hideous trait and one that means that while I may have much to give I hesitate…
May 2006 be everything you hope it will be. No more. No less. Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome Browse the Bookstore Discover a curated list of books to enhance and support life the BrocanteHome way Browse the Bookstore Life Love &…
While Mimi makes targets for the year ahead, this year, like last, I will be making Personal Promises. Looking back I see now that I am perhaps a little more battle scarred than I was last year. I made three promises, that…
"The first time I lied to my baby, I told him that it was his face on the baby food jar. The second time I lied to my baby, I told him that he was the best baby in the world,…
4 Comments
That reminds me of when DH and I bought our house, almost seven years ago, and one day while we were moving in, I put a load in the dryer right before putting the toddler, and myself, down for a nap (I was 3 months pregnant with the next one). When I woke up, the dryer was STILL ON even though I had been asleep long enough for it to have been off for half an hour. I stood there in the laundry room, staring at the dial in disbelief. It was brand new; it couldn’t have snapped a circuit yet, and it performed perfectly the rest of the day.It turned out that DH had stopped by to drop a few things off in the garage while I was asleep and kindly reset the dryer for me, as the contents weren’t quite dry. “This is why you leave a note, honey. So you don’t freak me out!”
Well, to quote that book who’s name escapes me “curiouser and curiouser”. If you’ve got domestic pixies, perhaps they’d like to tackle a few more chores for you. If its a would be burglar, I’d leave out a note, suggesting he/she (no sexism here) might want to pull a few weeds for you next time they pass through.
That reminds me of when DH and I bought our house, almost seven years ago, and one day while we were moving in, I put a load in the dryer right before putting the toddler, and myself, down for a nap (I was 3 months pregnant with the next one). When I woke up, the dryer was STILL ON even though I had been asleep long enough for it to have been off for half an hour. I stood there in the laundry room, staring at the dial in disbelief. It was brand new; it couldn’t have snapped a circuit yet, and it performed perfectly the rest of the day. It turned out that DH had stopped by to drop a few things off in the garage while I was asleep and kindly reset the dryer for me, as the contents weren’t quite dry. “This is why you leave a note, honey. So you don’t freak me out!”
I think it may have been the same wind that walked my mini greenhouse complete with seedlings across the yard with nary a speck of potting compost spilt 🙂 It was super-breezy first thing!
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
That reminds me of when DH and I bought our house, almost seven years ago, and one day while we were moving in, I put a load in the dryer right before putting the toddler, and myself, down for a nap (I was 3 months pregnant with the next one). When I woke up, the dryer was STILL ON even though I had been asleep long enough for it to have been off for half an hour. I stood there in the laundry room, staring at the dial in disbelief. It was brand new; it couldn’t have snapped a circuit yet, and it performed perfectly the rest of the day.It turned out that DH had stopped by to drop a few things off in the garage while I was asleep and kindly reset the dryer for me, as the contents weren’t quite dry.
“This is why you leave a note, honey. So you don’t freak me out!”
Well, to quote that book who’s name escapes me “curiouser and curiouser”. If you’ve got domestic pixies, perhaps they’d like to tackle a few more chores for you. If its a would be burglar, I’d leave out a note, suggesting he/she (no sexism here) might want to pull a few weeds for you next time they pass through.
That reminds me of when DH and I bought our house, almost seven years ago, and one day while we were moving in, I put a load in the dryer right before putting the toddler, and myself, down for a nap (I was 3 months pregnant with the next one). When I woke up, the dryer was STILL ON even though I had been asleep long enough for it to have been off for half an hour. I stood there in the laundry room, staring at the dial in disbelief. It was brand new; it couldn’t have snapped a circuit yet, and it performed perfectly the rest of the day.
It turned out that DH had stopped by to drop a few things off in the garage while I was asleep and kindly reset the dryer for me, as the contents weren’t quite dry.
“This is why you leave a note, honey. So you don’t freak me out!”
I think it may have been the same wind that walked my mini greenhouse complete with seedlings across the yard with nary a speck of potting compost spilt 🙂 It was super-breezy first thing!