It is late and I am sitting here with my laptop on my knee and a cup of chamomile at my side. After a lovely giggly evening, a friend has just left and the house is still reverberating with laughter: the garden twinkly with fairy lights and the house sparkly with love. Though it is past midnight I am not tired. Goodness did you just read that? For the first time in heaven knows how long, I am not tired! It is quite the oddest feeling to be alive again: a something worthy of champagne and celebration with friends and family gathered… but there is no champagne, only tea and no one but me and a darling little boy asleep upstairs -friends and family no doubt already tucked up in their beds. This feels like the old me: committing my own private little celebrations to the screen like this. The only sound in the living room, my own fingers racing across the keyboard and the snore of a tiny lady kitten more dependent on me than I ever remember my own son being: he who was borne with a fierce sense of self and a mild intolerance for a Mummy who loves him so much it sometimes feels as though her heart might just burst through her over-ample cleavage… It is late. I should go to bed. Perhaps then it is a sign of getting older, this resistance to the pleasures of lavender scented sheets? This urge to squeeze every last minute out of the day and mark the clanging of the church bells at midnight? Suddenly I am possessed by the urge not to waste a moment: to seize the day and linger on into the night, dwelling and smiling and staring at all that I have created: my son, my house, this life… I am scared of ageing. To the horror of everyone I know I keep dallying with the idea of having Botox pumped into the lines that have burrowed their way on to my forehead: as if vanity could deplete the trauma of the last few years and make me whole again. As if frequent dalliance with a cosmetic surgeon would be anything other than a foolish exercise in self-delusion! A preposterous idea if ever there was one! And so here I am instead: blinking into the flicker of a honey scented flame and resolving to make the most of what is: to spend entire evenings lost in sheer gratitude for a house that hugs me and a little boy that adores every wrinkle on my silly face. To face my middle youth with dignity and screaming, giggly laughter. To wear my wrinkles with pride and force myself up the apple and pears to bed. Sweet dreams my darlings.x
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
Happy Friday Sweeties, what better day to introduce you to a new friend with some utterly scrumptious ideas on surviving the daily drudge! Danielle is the fourth in my line up of occasional guest writers, and though she is a busy book…
Polly, Polly, Polly where would be without you? Not only do I suspect you can see right inside my soul, you are also one of the most scrumptious Vintage Housekeepers there is… And now you bring us Porch Magazine. May I take…
Escape Today I have woken up feeling alive. As though for once I have slept all night despite my Fitbit telling me that I have managed just four hours and nineteen minutes of undisturbed sleep. (I think my Fitbit lies). The dog…
My ridiculous child managed to get himself run over on Friday. No really RUN OVER. By a CAR. Flung on to the bonnet so hard he cracked the window screen with his scull. Then because he is Finley and rates kindness very…
So I have returned home safe from Dallas, and have just one word to say& Anthropologie!!! Am I the only person in the world who doesn’t know about this divine store?? I thought I was going to cry when I walked in…
I haven’t got much to say today, because I am VERY BUSY reading magazines. Oh yes. I have discovered Readly, the Netflix of magazines and now there is no going back. Laundry will be left to muster and the frizz that…
7 Comments
Treasure every line as the banner of a battle fought and won. You’ve paid for every bit of it; don’t even think of paying money to smooth away the evidence of all you’ve gained!I found a shiny, silver strand on my 29th birthday, right in the front, and now it has over half a dozen friends in the same spot. I’m well on my way to a legitimate *streak* of silver at my hairline, just to the right of center. I’m 32. I consider them a badge of honor. Wear your lines with pride, my friend!
I am heading for 42 this year and feel exactly the same, afraid of not being me anymore, afraid of looking in the mirror and not recognising myself. toying with the idea of botox and afraid of that too x
I’m not so much afraid of aging as I am of the falling apart that comes with it. I don’t mind the white hairs that have sprung up amongst my lovely auburn tresses or the laugh lines around my eyes, but I really detest how my bones ache in the winter and rain. I’m not even 40 yet! I started to read this at 1:45 in the morning but thought I’d better sleep since the puppy and the daughter have become early risers.
I’m 42 and must say I’ve felt exactly the opposite about aging. I’ve rather thoroughly enjoyed it so far! I’ve finally let go of so many silly hangups and worries that I carried around in my younger soul. I’m no longer afraid to be me and am finding myself rather a person I like being, finally! So glad to hear you are finding yourself again after a tough time of it. Keep your wrinkled chin up and keep going right along with us all!
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
Treasure every line as the banner of a battle fought and won. You’ve paid for every bit of it; don’t even think of paying money to smooth away the evidence of all you’ve gained!I found a shiny, silver strand on my 29th birthday, right in the front, and now it has over half a dozen friends in the same spot. I’m well on my way to a legitimate *streak* of silver at my hairline, just to the right of center. I’m 32. I consider them a badge of honor.
Wear your lines with pride, my friend!
I love the fact that you wrote this after midnight and I am reading it 3.12am! Maybe we are both getting old…or maybe not 😉 Xx
I am heading for 42 this year and feel exactly the same, afraid of not being me anymore, afraid of looking in the mirror and not recognising myself. toying with the idea of botox and afraid of that too x
I’m not so much afraid of aging as I am of the falling apart that comes with it. I don’t mind the white hairs that have sprung up amongst my lovely auburn tresses or the laugh lines around my eyes, but I really detest how my bones ache in the winter and rain. I’m not even 40 yet!
I started to read this at 1:45 in the morning but thought I’d better sleep since the puppy and the daughter have become early risers.
I hate the thought of aging – the greys appeared during my first pregnancy and I spend a fortune in hair dyes hiding them!
I’m 42 and must say I’ve felt exactly the opposite about aging. I’ve rather thoroughly enjoyed it so far! I’ve finally let go of so many silly hangups and worries that I carried around in my younger soul. I’m no longer afraid to be me and am finding myself rather a person I like being, finally!
So glad to hear you are finding yourself again after a tough time of it. Keep your wrinkled chin up and keep going right along with us all!
I live for botox,lol! get it if you want it I say! xx