Where I'm At.

By alison September 4, 2006 58 Comments 2 Min Read

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I woke up this morning with a desperate appetite for warm ginger spice cake and a long cool glass of skimmed milk.

In another lifetime I would have been there with my pink apron tied over my nightie frantically whipping myself a life together, determined to null my every whim with a spoonful of molasses and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Baking a cake before I’d brushed my teeth.
You know this, Housekeepers. You were there.

But not today. In the months since Mark left I have lost almost four stone.  Not through the miracles  of the mad maple syrup diet, but through, I think, the miracles of becoming real. True, it’s hard to know whether I’m coming undone or finally buttoning myself back together. It’s hard to know whether this total  abandonement of who I  was is  a very good thing at all, when the reflection that stares back at you  is so very unfamiliar you find yourself needing every spare minute to get used to the she you have become. When, indeed, you find yourself doing things, saying things, wanting things that only existed in the periphial of someone elses imagination before…

Three weeks ago I met someone who made me ache to be the bestest me. Someone kind of purer than I will ever be. It doesn’t matter, who or how or where. It doesn’t matter that thinking about him makes me kind of beam. That being with him for however short a time  rendered me calmer than I ever remember being. None of it matters because fate intervened and it was over before it began.

And I think it’s ok. In fact it is ok. The timing is all out but what is for us won’t pass us right?  And what isn’t for us will, we hope find true happiness elsewhere…

So I’m ready to start again. The silly season that really rather fabulously followed Mark’s departure has passed away with the Summer sun and now it is  time to re-invent my life to suit the person I have had no choice but to become.  My unofficial  mourning period for what no longer exists is over and it’s time to get back to who I  always intended to be before my hopes and dreams were hijacked by the sheer indignity of long term compromise.

Brocante Home will be back with a vengeance. I’ll be cooking up a low carb storm, getting all our homes ship shape for Christmas and regaling you all with tales  to rival Carrie Bradshaws,  as  I venture  onto the dating scene with my heart wrapped  in ribbon and safely tucked away in my comfort drawer…

Wanna come along for the ride?

Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome

58 Comments

  1. Ashley says:

    I do! I wanna come along! I can't wait for you to come back and I don't even know you, but your are precious and authentic and that's something very special…come back soon!

  2. Ashley says:

    I do! I wanna come along! I can't wait for you to come back and I don't even know you, but your are precious and authentic and that's something very special…come back soon!

  3. Kristy says:

    So glad to see you are back Alison.Can't wait to hear about what you have been upto and what will come!Ginger spice cake does sound rather yummy though!

  4. Kristy says:

    So glad to see you are back Alison.Can't wait to hear about what you have been upto and what will come!
    Ginger spice cake does sound rather yummy though!

  5. Mary T. says:

    Continuing on to find the "real" person we are is a fascinating journey that I am on as well. Our circumstances that bring us to this point may be different but that doesn't make it any easier for either us. I look forward to your return with anticipation!

  6. Mary T. says:

    Continuing on to find the "real" person we are is a fascinating journey that I am on as well. Our circumstances that bring us to this point may be different but that doesn't make it any easier for either us. I look forward to your return with anticipation!

  7. Kim says:

    You know I'm there with you. Can't wait!

  8. Kim says:

    You know I'm there with you. Can't wait!

  9. melissa says:

    Oh baby, I'm there too!

  10. melissa says:

    Oh baby, I'm there too!

  11. June says:

    Good for you, Alison! I am tremendously proud of you and, as always, wish you the absolute very best. Yes, I'm definitely there for the ride.

  12. June says:

    Good for you, Alison! I am tremendously proud of you and, as always, wish you the absolute very best. Yes, I'm definitely there for the ride.

  13. mel says:

    Oh, I'm so happy you are still there. I only found your website on Saturday for the first time and have been obsessively reading it every spare moment since (mother of 3 1/2 year old and 10 month old daughters). What a wonderful achievement you have here, it is the best, most inspirational writing I've come accross in a long time. I was distraught when your calendar didn't contain anything – please please please come back on line and let me have more to get me excited about being a stay at home mum!!! I want to be your best friend!!!!!

  14. mel says:

    Oh, I'm so happy you are still there. I only found your website on Saturday for the first time and have been obsessively reading it every spare moment since (mother of 3 1/2 year old and 10 month old daughters). What a wonderful achievement you have here, it is the best, most inspirational writing I've come accross in a long time. I was distraught when your calendar didn't contain anything – please please please come back on line and let me have more to get me excited about being a stay at home mum!!! I want to be your best friend!!!!!

  15. Karla says:

    Wait for me! I'm coming too! In seeing how strong you are from what you've gone through, I find more peace to walk down the paths of life I've avoided out of fear. Thanks for being transparent and wonderful!

  16. Karla says:

    Wait for me! I'm coming too! In seeing how strong you are from what you've gone through, I find more peace to walk down the paths of life I've avoided out of fear. Thanks for being transparent and wonderful!

  17. Amethyst says:

    I just recently found your site, and have been addicted to it since… I am so excited for you! Can't wait to hear more…Thanks for this site, it is truly inspirational to those of us who love all the things you treasure…

  18. Amethyst says:

    I just recently found your site, and have been addicted to it since… I am so excited for you! Can't wait to hear more…
    Thanks for this site, it is truly inspirational to those of us who love all the things you treasure…

  19. Lisa says:

    My goodness Alison your site truly is…addictive…for all the reasons every contributor above and below have given. I remember the giddy ellation I felt meeting the first special person since my marriage break up – he too was not around for long yet nevertheless an important and still not forgotten step on the road to discovering my true self. Trust your instincts and you won't go very wrong!! And yes, PLEASE can we all come along on the journey??x

  20. Lisa says:

    My goodness Alison your site truly is…addictive…for all the reasons every contributor above and below have given. I remember the giddy ellation I felt meeting the first special person since my marriage break up – he too was not around for long yet nevertheless an important and still not forgotten step on the road to discovering my true self. Trust your instincts and you won't go very wrong!! And yes, PLEASE can we all come along on the journey??x

  21. Teri M. says:

    You are fabulous and I can't wait to see what exciting and scrumptious adventures the future holds for you.

  22. Teri M. says:

    You are fabulous and I can't wait to see what exciting and scrumptious adventures the future holds for you.

  23. Danielle says:

    Oh thank God you're back girl! I've missed you. I was starting to panic about the prospect of an un-Brocanted Christmas. Eeek! I need your daily lace-covered brown-paper wrapped and ribbon-tied whimsies. I need to know about the best Brocante shoes to wear on a night out at the movies. I need to know what the best Brocante vintage housekeepers ought to bake for this years Nursery Harvest Festivals. I need to know if there are any changes to this years Brocante festive vintage decoration theme! I still haven't got round to doing my comfort drawer or my discovery journal yet and I'm going to need serious Brocante inspiration to do it. I had a baby in January and have been in a crazy post-natal limbo eversince. I feel like 'I'm back' too and I want to feel the joie de vivre I felt last year when I visited Brocante Home in it's heyday. I want Brocante Home back now. The world's just not pretty without it, or you! (no pressure! LOL)

  24. Danielle says:

    Oh thank God you're back girl! I've missed you. I was starting to panic about the prospect of an un-Brocanted Christmas. Eeek! I need your daily lace-covered brown-paper wrapped and ribbon-tied whimsies. I need to know about the best Brocante shoes to wear on a night out at the movies. I need to know what the best Brocante vintage housekeepers ought to bake for this years Nursery Harvest Festivals. I need to know if there are any changes to this years Brocante festive vintage decoration theme! I still haven't got round to doing my comfort drawer or my discovery journal yet and I'm going to need serious Brocante inspiration to do it. I had a baby in January and have been in a crazy post-natal limbo eversince. I feel like 'I'm back' too and I want to feel the joie de vivre I felt last year when I visited Brocante Home in it's heyday. I want Brocante Home back now. The world's just not pretty without it, or you! (no pressure! LOL)

  25. missy says:

    Your beautiful, inside and out!! You have a way of expressing what lies within us all. I applaud your honesty, intensity and your wisdom.

  26. missy says:

    Your beautiful, inside and out!! You have a way of expressing what lies within us all. I applaud your honesty, intensity and your wisdom.

  27. cityfarmer says:

    Just found your post, but it's late…more later…lovely

  28. cityfarmer says:

    Just found your post, but it's late…more later…lovely

  29. cityfarmer says:

    Just found your post, but it's late…more later…lovely

  30. Meredith says:

    I can't wait to see the adventures you;ll be having!! Good to see you again!!

  31. Meredith says:

    I can't wait to see the adventures you;ll be having!! Good to see you again!!

  32. Carlie says:

    Hoorah! Way to hoist yourself! Can't wait to hear all your grand adventures and hot pointers.

  33. Carlie says:

    Hoorah! Way to hoist yourself! Can't wait to hear all your grand adventures and hot pointers.

  34. Carlie says:

    Hoorah! Way to hoist yourself! Can't wait to hear all your grand adventures and hot pointers.

  35. hester says:

    I'm so glad you're going to be back with a vengeance – looking forward to it!

  36. hester says:

    I'm so glad you're going to be back with a vengeance – looking forward to it!

  37. hester says:

    I'm so glad you're going to be back with a vengeance – looking forward to it!

  38. Welcome back skinny minny!

  39. Welcome back skinny minny!

  40. Welcome back skinny minny!

  41. Sandi says:

    Just wishing you continued happiness and adventures.

  42. Sandi says:

    Just wishing you continued happiness and adventures.

  43. Heather says:

    You are such a brave lady and send me waves of encouragement just by being who you are.

  44. Heather says:

    You are such a brave lady and send me waves of encouragement just by being who you are.

  45. Heather says:

    You are such a brave lady and send me waves of encouragement just by being who you are.

  46. Savannah says:

    Hey there, Stranger! When the muse has left the manse, we wait… When our sweet muse returns, we anticipate. Here, there, or in between, we love you, honey. But I'm like Daniells… Oh! Goody! It's great you're back, and so svelte and sexy! Va Va Voom! oooh! La La! G.

  47. Savannah says:

    Hey there, Stranger! When the muse has left the manse, we wait… When our sweet muse returns, we anticipate. Here, there, or in between, we love you, honey. But I'm like Daniells… Oh! Goody! It's great you're back, and so svelte and sexy! Va Va Voom! oooh! La La! G.

  48. Savannah says:

    Hey there, Stranger! When the muse has left the manse, we wait… When our sweet muse returns, we anticipate. Here, there, or in between, we love you, honey. But I'm like Daniells… Oh! Goody! It's great you're back, and so svelte and sexy! Va Va Voom! oooh! La La! G.

  49. Fiona says:

    So glad you're really back. Definitely want to come along for the ride. Have been on a very similar journey myself this summer. I'm looking forward to hearing your dating stories as I'm hoping to have a few of my own this autumn. Good luck and looking forward to lots more Brocante inspiration. x

  50. Fiona says:

    So glad you're really back. Definitely want to come along for the ride. Have been on a very similar journey myself this summer. I'm looking forward to hearing your dating stories as I'm hoping to have a few of my own this autumn. Good luck and looking forward to lots more Brocante inspiration. x

  51. Cindy Voormeij says:

    Hi Alison, good to hear your in good spirits!Such wonderful and interesting items you mention for September. Before we know it, we'll be in Autumn far to soon! Out with the wellies and raincoats, lots of towel to dry the wet hairs! Not my cuppa tea though! I just love to be out side in the sunshine and the soft wind on my face….enjoying my lovely garden filled with lovely flowers, birds and bees…… But today we had a wonderful sunny day!
    Take care girl, have you and your little boy in my prayers……

  52. Cindy Voormeij says:

    Hi Alison, good to hear your in good spirits!
    Such wonderful and interesting items you mention for September. Before we know it, we'll be in Autumn far to soon! Out with the wellies and raincoats, lots of towel to dry the wet hairs! Not my cuppa tea though! I just love to be out side in the sunshine and the soft wind on my face….enjoying my lovely garden filled with lovely flowers, birds and bees…… But today we had a wonderful sunny day!
    Take care girl, have you and your little boy in my prayers……

  53. Cindy Voormeij says:

    Hi Alison, good to hear your in good spirits!
    Such wonderful and interesting items you mention for September. Before we know it, we'll be in Autumn far to soon! Out with the wellies and raincoats, lots of towel to dry the wet hairs! Not my cuppa tea though! I just love to be out side in the sunshine and the soft wind on my face….enjoying my lovely garden filled with lovely flowers, birds and bees…… But today we had a wonderful sunny day!
    Take care girl, have you and your little boy in my prayers……

  54. Shar says:

    ABSOLUTELY!!!! Am excited for you as you begin the next chapter in your life.

  55. Shar says:

    ABSOLUTELY!!!! Am excited for you as you begin the next chapter in your life.

  56. Shar says:

    ABSOLUTELY!!!! Am excited for you as you begin the next chapter in your life.

  57. LeAnna says:

    There is so much to this site, and when I found this item just now, I was so happy to hear that you are in a calmer place. I'm so glad.

  58. LeAnna says:

    There is so much to this site, and when I found this item just now, I was so happy to hear that you are in a calmer place. I'm so glad.

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