You have astonished me with your kindness. Your patience. Your loyalty. And above all the gentle advice so many of you have dropped into my inbox. Advice I have been mulling over, turning this way and that and threading into the tapestry of my tomorrows. How lucky I am to have so much wisdom at my disposal.
One of the images on my cream vision board says “Surround yourself with strong women“: a reminder I don’t really need because for so long you have all been with me, rooting for me and travelling through my ups and downs with your fingers firmly crossed on my behalf, ready and willing to all stand together and hold me up when it finally looked as if I wasn’t quite managing it alone, and for that I thank-you from the bottom of my heart.
This then is to be my very own fallow season: a time not to throw myself back into days I had been over-sowing, but instead to step back and survey the landscape of my life, to plough and harrow my slightly battered soul, but not yet to sow the seeds of new ideas, nor to keep on farming that which has been exhausted.
You have said, get help. Get a virtual assistant. Allow yourself time to recover. Give yourself the grace of self-care. Tell only the truth it feels right to share. Do nothing at all for a while. Re-create what already exists. (You have already created so much.) Be with your family. Sleep. Sit with your feelings. Take all the time you need to heal. We will still be here.
And I have read it all. And taken long tepid baths in lavender magnesium. and cried in front of the madcap, lovely doctor who told me I wasn’t coping, not because my strength had deserted me, but because yet again my thyroid has crashed and that the menopause I thought had just begun, is in fact almost over. That I have been ignoring what my body had started to scream at me, muddling through the fog of hormones gone utterly berserk, that now rest was my only option if I want to heal. And that there was something else that she wanted me to consider might be true. Something that might just explain it all.
I have tried to sit still. To read entire afternoons away and eat ready meals instead of home cooked fare. I have sat with pen and paper and jotted down dreams and fashioned a future from a doodled muddle, and watched box-sets and got up and wandered the house at three o’clock in the morning when sleep wasn’t my friend. I have resisted the lure of social media (and highly recommend it!). I have sat for hours in the library, reading and people watching, retreating to the library cafe to sip at lime and jasmine fizz and watch the children dancing in the fountain on sunny days. And I have sat in front of the women I know in real life and allowed them to, to hold me up. I have tried so very hard to be still, though still is never really how I am, at least not inside my head.
The house hasn’t fallen down. Ste has thrown himself into work and Finley has survived the first round of mock GCSE’s. Nothing has happened at all while I have been in repose. A fact that both astonishes me and confounds me: for what then is it all for, if the world doesn’t drop out of the sky when we stop believing it is us alone keeping it suspended?
All this then to say, I hear you. I am still here. Just being gentle with myself as so many of you have advised me to do. I have studied and considered the results of the poll in my last post and I am spending afternoons with huge pieces of paper spread out across the dining room table, jiggling the jigsaw of fifteen years of BrocanteHome in order to create something that is both financially viable and creatively satisfying and I will share the results of my mind-mapping with you as soon as I have given it enough form to make sense…
In the meantime, thank you for your patience. for understanding. For being the strong women I so very much need to be surrounded with right now.
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
Ah..Snuggle into blanket bliss Ah Snuggle Pie! That delicious feeling of being utterly enclosed by cosy arms and warm blankets – is there anything more heavenly? Yes… add a plate of sliced fig and crumbly cheese, or a bowl of treacle pudding…
In our early twenties, Mark and I were one couple in a group of four. There was us, Chris and Sue, Colin and Shirley and Michael and Emma, together in the time before babies and mortgages. Spending New Year together and grouped…
I am reading the most fabulous book, dah-lings! Alligators, Old Mink and New Money tells the tale of one woman’s obsession with vintage clothes, starting with the discovery of her Grandmothers slip, hidden away in one of her mothers drawers… If you…
Sweet dreams to Shirley Temple, who has died today at the grand old age of 85. Helen and I will always treasure Shirley’s starring role in The Little Princess and those childhood Sunday mornings in my Nana’s little flat would not have…
I do it for the joy it bringsbecause I am a joyful girl, because the world owes me nothing,and we owe each other the world I do it because it’s the least I can do. I do it because I learned it…
IS THIS NORMAL?? I am at the point of despair so please tell me your children make this kind of mess three or four times a day. I am starting to think Finley is suffering from some kind of chaos disorder… Oh…
8 Comments
Ahhh, lovey, we do love you, you know. Here any time you want me, bounce ideas off, ask questions, anything that might be of the slightest help, m’deario… about my own extraordinary autistic life, or anything else xx
Even when you are far from well and firing on all cylinders Alison you write with such passion and depth. Why would we desert you, for I’m sure I don’t speak only for myself when I say I very much need you and your work in my life. Take the time to heal yourself,all will be well.xx
I dont know you…and yet I do…through your transparency here on the web. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I pray right now for you to have sweet repose and for clarity.
It is so good to hear from you! I am so glad you are taking time for yourself and taking care of you. I’m glad you have found a doctor who is listening and trying to help you help yourself. Be kind and gentle with yourself. I don’t know the whole of your issues with your thyroid, but while I was pregnant, my midwife suggested kelp supplements to raise my iodine levels. They really helped me out. I wish you the best and like so many others will be here when all is set right again. Hugs and positive vibes sent your way.
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
Ahhh, lovey, we do love you, you know.
Here any time you want me, bounce ideas off, ask questions, anything that might be of the slightest help, m’deario… about my own extraordinary autistic life, or anything else xx
Bless you. Rest, return, and we’ll still be here.
Even when you are far from well and firing on all cylinders Alison you write with such passion and depth. Why would we desert you, for I’m sure I don’t speak only for myself when I say I very much need you and your work in my life. Take the time to heal yourself,all will be well.xx
I dont know you…and yet I do…through your transparency here on the web. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I pray right now for you to have sweet repose and for clarity.
It is so good to hear from you! I am so glad you are taking time for yourself and taking care of you. I’m glad you have found a doctor who is listening and trying to help you help yourself. Be kind and gentle with yourself. I don’t know the whole of your issues with your thyroid, but while I was pregnant, my midwife suggested kelp supplements to raise my iodine levels. They really helped me out. I wish you the best and like so many others will be here when all is set right again. Hugs and positive vibes sent your way.
?
Take all the time you need. I’ll still be here. (((hugs)))
Summer is the best fallow season!