Golly Gooseberries You Are A Silly Slug.

By alison May 9, 2006 17 Comments 2 Min Read

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So in an ironic twist of fate I have spent all day writing a post a huge number of you have asked for recently, on how I managed to bring up a child who has never had a sleepless night, never cries and goes to bed in a charming fashion. Oh yes. I have waxed lyrical on all manner of baby  whispering tricks  like swaddling your babba, dream feeds,  complete  darkness and the importance of routine because until tonight I was one of the lucky few…

Until tonight.

Now I find myself hiding in my bedroom listening to my loony toon toddler wander the range of all emotions from sweet persuasion ("I’m so proud of you Mummy, let’s just be happy!")  to hilarious childish insults (Golly Gooseberries, YOU ARE A SILLY SLUG!"), statements of absolute fact ("All the policemen and all the goblins and all the mummies and all the builders and and all the flowertots and all the gangans and all the monsters in the world are tired, but I’m NOT!") and outraegously dramatic soliliquy’s worthy of Shakespeare (Mummy, I’m just a little boy and I really, really like you. you is my best friend. I’ve got the biggest tummy and I’m sick in the head, don’t make me go to bed, I like you too much!")

Well my little man, I like you too, but Sweetie, Mummy is a very tired, kind of demented lady and I would be plain old ecstatic if you would just snuggle down into your cosy little bed and fall fast asleep for the next, ummmm 24 hours. Remember why Darling? Remember getting up at two o’clock this morning and screaming blue murder for three hours? Remember spooking the life out of me by telling me that there was a man standing at the end of the bed and not to worry Mummy, because he’s looking after us and now he is going to stroke you Mummy? Remember asking for baked beans and scrambly egg at 5.45? And finally  my delicious little boy, remember falling asleep ten minutes before Mummy had to get up??

The child won’t go to bed and when he finally conks out, he won’t stay there, like, quite frankly, I  insist he must. I have no clue what to do.

All this and an errant* husband.

*Errant- 1. Wandering, roving, especially in search of adventure. 2. Deviating from appointed course. straying. 3. Straying from the proper standards. 4. Moving aimlessly or irregularly as an errant breeze.

Well, yes, I think that just about sums him up.

I’m off to do battle. Wish me luck. 

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17 Comments

  1. Wendy says:

    Oh Alison, I just want to get in my car, drive to you and give you a big hug!

  2. Amber says:

    It's stress, dearest. Kids feel it too, although they have the common sense to express it. Why adults feel we must hide our feelings and disguise our stress is beyond me. If I were Finley, I would stay up all night, too! Not much help on you, though, I know! I'm thinking of you…

  3. Gena says:

    Oh poor you Alison! if its any consolation I am sitting up with a 7 year old watching lilo and stitch at midnight,because she is poorly and my resolve has finally weakened!But your little boy is truly scrumptious!

  4. Gena says:

    Oh poor you Alison! if its any consolation I am sitting up with a 7 year old watching lilo and stitch at midnight,because she is poorly and my resolve has finally weakened!But your little boy is truly scrumptious!

  5. kim says:

    God bless you for being able to keep a little bit of a sense of humor (at least I think that I'm reading a bit of it in your post) through all of this. When I'm up at 3am with our 7 month old who has never (ugh) slept through the night, I'll be thinking of you 🙂

  6. kim says:

    God bless you for being able to keep a little bit of a sense of humor (at least I think that I'm reading a bit of it in your post) through all of this. When I'm up at 3am with our 7 month old who has never (ugh) slept through the night, I'll be thinking of you 🙂

  7. Alicat says:

    Oi — that stinks! I hope he settles in and you get a little rest dear Ali. :o)

  8. Josee says:

    I was laughing out loud at the things your little guy was saying….too, too cute! But I know too well the frustration of sleepless nights. And even if I am laughing at his extreme cuteness, I do feel for you. Sleep is sooo precious!
    Josee

  9. Josee says:

    I was laughing out loud at the things your little guy was saying….too, too cute! But I know too well the frustration of sleepless nights. And even if I am laughing at his extreme cuteness, I do feel for you. Sleep is sooo precious!
    Josee

  10. Anne says:

    Personally, I gave up…..I figured the only way I was going to get any sleep was to cuddle him in my own bed. So halfway through every night ('halfway' = anytime between 11 PM and 4 AM) our 2.5 yr old comes to bed and we spend any given second 'half' of a night in varying versions of the letter H.
    I agree with Amber, poor baby is feeling the stress, but how deliciously bright he is! Good luck finding your new sleep solution!

  11. Anne says:

    Personally, I gave up…..I figured the only way I was going to get any sleep was to cuddle him in my own bed. So halfway through every night ('halfway' = anytime between 11 PM and 4 AM) our 2.5 yr old comes to bed and we spend any given second 'half' of a night in varying versions of the letter H.
    I agree with Amber, poor baby is feeling the stress, but how deliciously bright he is! Good luck finding your new sleep solution!

  12. diana says:

    Beautiful child…oh I do remember being so sleep deprived…it will improve… you will find your way…. you are very very resourceful… this
    blindsided you.. but you will find the way for you and your little fellow to sleep thru the night. Sending sleepy fairy dust your way !

  13. ms*robyn says:

    have you ever thought, Ali – that the man at the end of little Finley's bed, could be an angel? I too saw men at the side of my bed when I was 2 – I know now, they were angels. Yes, I am a loony but love it!!
    sending lots of love, hugs and support your way. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you and Mark sort it all out. also from the bottom of my heart – I just KNOW you two should be together. XOXO

  14. ms*robyn says:

    have you ever thought, Ali – that the man at the end of little Finley's bed, could be an angel? I too saw men at the side of my bed when I was 2 – I know now, they were angels. Yes, I am a loony but love it!!
    sending lots of love, hugs and support your way. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you and Mark sort it all out. also from the bottom of my heart – I just KNOW you two should be together. XOXO

  15. Gena says:

    well its 7.04 am and I am still up! I hope however you eventually got some sleep Alison,I am blogging and drinking lethal amounts of coffee to stay awake,whilst young missy has finally crashed out after a night of puking!Oh the joys of motherhood!hope you have a better day today xx

  16. Carol says:

    I do wish you lots of luck Alison!

  17. Carol says:

    I do wish you lots of luck Alison!

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