Here We Go Again.
I swear I don’t deserve the constant chaos that is my life. I don’t deserve a boil the size of Egypt on the side of my nose. I didn’t deserve the chest infection I’m currently nurturing, nor the date with the man with body odour on Friday night. And I definitely didn’t deserve the calamity that was yesterday afternoon. I’m a nice woman. I didn’t deserve it.
The day started out kinda hunky-dorey. An unexpected cheque for £100.00 landed on my doorstep and thoughts of a nice pair of winter boots interfered with my breakfast. Then a woman with blonde hair and perky glasses approached me in nursery and said something along the lines of "Well now did I want to meet her in a (relatively) local kids play centre when nursery was done and dusted?" to which I replied, "Actually I’d rather stick knitting needles up my nose, but yes of course I would love to- see you there at one, whoever you are!" . And so the matter was settled and because I am intrinsically shy and felt faint at the the thought of making conversation with a complete stranger I roped Kath into the deal and off we set, kids strapped into the back of my shed on wheels and the violence that is My Chemical Romance on the stereo. Happy as Christmas Robins!
Now it should be noted that I am familiar with this activity centre having painted a rather charming little mural there the December before last. I know where it is but still managed to get utterly lost in a town full of roundabouts. And when I say lost I mean really, really, how did we get here, lost? The kids whined. Kath looked nervous. I wanted my Mum. And then I accidentally discovered a really rather fabulous method of making the kids laugh! Approach unseen speed bumps in the manner of a boy racer and bump back down to earth in a jolly fashion. Cue screams and giggles all round. Then cross another roundabout. And find that getting off the roundbout is a teeny bit difficult because all of a sudden my brakes don’t work and it looks like we are destined to drive around this horrible sprawling town for the rest of our lives because I can’t work out how to stop the car!
But stop we do, drifting into a bus stop and putting in a call to my Dad who arrives on his chariot yet again to rescue the calamity that is his daughter and her offspring, informing me that the brake pipe has smashed, yes, probably as a result of attacking the odd speed bump or two, then stuffing the kids into the front of his trannie van and leaving me and Kath sitting on toolboxes in the back clinging on to each other in a desperate fashion, while the car was towed back to the garage manned by Huey from The Fun Loving Criminals, who grinned as he told me that this particular vehicular crisis would cost £100.00.
Winter boots. Now you see them, now you don’t….
Oh, tough luck Allison.
My kids love the speed bumps too…we have six on the way to nursery and four on the way to Grannies…which is why the first word my children spoke was "BUMP!"
Thank goodness for cheques in the mail however! Gill.
Oh my goodness! What a day gone awry. I'm so glad you received the unexpected check – sorry you had to use it for unexciting things. And glad too that your Dad came to the rescue.
Ce n'est pas parce qu'on rit que c'est drôle: It's not because we laugh that it's funny. You had luck in your misfortune. I'm glad you received that cheque… Who knows, maybe a guardian angel is looking over you!
I love your storys about your life it makes me feel like i am not totaly hopeless
You're very clever. Wish I could write the way you do. Thanks. You made me laugh.
Hi-larious! I love My Chemical Romance.
I have peeked here so many times..It's insane..
I have copied and pasted your blog to share so many times too!
I just have to say..I love it all!
Thanks for everything!
Ah, tis life! No sooner do we get a tax refund, that we "discover" something needs to be fixed with the car or house! At least now you have the money to fix it! That's how I try and see it!
P.S. Perhaps you can get your self a small treat for being a "good girl" and getting it fixed?! 🙂 http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-Picnic-Basket-Ball-Ma…
Grrr cars! I just had to fork out for a new abs ring ???? £120,so who was the woman? did you meet her eventually?
This made me proper laugh out loud and nearly snort my morning tea out of my nose! I have visions of you and your friend crumbled in the back of the transit wetting yourselves laughing?! I would be! I have found myself in this kind of bizarre scenario more times than I can mention, mostly with my Mum, and we can look back and still split our sides about every one – you will too! And funny old thing fate… not just the cheque, but you didn't want to meet that woman anyway did you??!!
Just wait until your little boy gets old enough to roll his eyes at you in dismay – like my daughter does all the time! Bless your Dad.