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  1. There is no right way to do grief, just like there is no right way to live. It is a journey we take alone.
    About 5 years ago – I decided to take a whole week off work, I shut myself away and finally allowed the grief I had been holding for nearly 40 years to go. I think what frightened me most before I began is that once I began crying I would never stop and that isn’t true.
    I was holding all the grief in check, a three year old child who could not make sense of why her mother would take her own life , wasn’t I enough to continue living? She chose to leave me, when I needed her the most. When I had my own children – I could not forgive her, so I locked it all away.
    But when, eventually 40 years later, I decided to go into the deep, dark forest of my soul and allow myself to let go – it was the same as walking into a forest at night. At first it is all dark, everything is frightening, but your eyes adjust and suddenly you can see that what you were afraid of wasn’t frightening at all – there is no darkness. letting go of all the pain, anger and sense of abandonment lifted a burden I had been carrying around for years. I cried for three whole days, sobbing and feeling all those mixed emotions – until I would fall asleep exhausted. Then I would begin crying all over again – until there were no tears left. The feelings, by being expressed, and acknowledged were gone.
    We are all alone, yes, we can walk the path sometimes with people beside us, but we are all on our own journey – everyone who loves us and walks beside us, can give us love – but we have to savour that time for what it is, finite and let them go.
    What ever you believe about death, seek those thoughts that comfort you. The Christian tradition offers comfort that we will see that person again, but I also am comforted by the Buddhist concepts of reincarnation – that we come back again. Either way, some of our connections are soul based and for me that is beyond this life.
    I leave you with a quote from Rumi – “Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.”.

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