glass in his hand, or his black hair gleaming like a
broken open coal. I think I learned
to love the little things about him
because of all the big things
I could not love, no one could, it would be wrong to.
So when I fix on this image of resin,
or sweep together with the heel of my hand a
pile of my son’s sunburn peels like
insect wings, where I peeled his back the night before camp
I am doing something I learned early to do, I am
paying attention to small beauties,
whatever I have- as if it were a duty
to find things to love, to bind ourselves to this world.
Sharon Olds.
Once upon a time a friend of mine walked through my house and said, "Goodness Alison if only your housekeepers knew the truth about your house: cracked lino and Finn’s scribbles on the wall…". Well yeeeees, I thought, looking at her in mild astonishment and wondering if I have rendered myself oblivious to ugly truths and taught myself only to see what is lovely?
I have long considered this a gift: to be able to see only good. To forgive ugliness and ill-treatment. To ignore the hole in the lino, because there is nothing to be done about it until I’m slightly richer than I am right now and smile instead at the pile of vintage cookbooks I refer to on a daily basis. I do it with everything you see. Sometimes to my detriment. I look at my thighs and think hell’s bell, the universe hasn’t been kind there lady, but heck thats a cleavage and a half you’ve got going on there Missus! I forgive abysmal behaviour in men who are clearly drunk. Or bonkers. Or both. And think instead well yes, he’s a hopeless cause but heavens a girl could drown in those blue eyes! I dim the lights and pretend theres no such thing as dust, forgive Finn just about anything cos he’s got such delicious curly hair and do nothing at all about the size of my bum because I have decided I am Rubenesque and the rest of the world is just gonna have to deal with both that and the fact that the slates on my roof are in a sorry state, but that wreath on my front door is a joy to behold in every passing heart.
I am foolish. And proud. And yet part of me suspects that this is my problem. That life would be easier, happier, no scrap that, just easier, if I weren’t so very stubborn about seeing only the little things and forgetting the bigger picture. That there is a tomorrow after today and my word wouldn’t life be fine and dandy if I could be the kinda woman with a five year plan and a careless disregard for the miniscule detail that makes my heart sing on a daily basis…?
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
My latest obsession? Literary Mama, a site that describes itself as "A Literary Magazine For The Maternally Inclined". Read and relate to "No!" and "Perspective",, and rest certain in the knowledge that you are not the only woman in the world to…
Some days I think kneading bread is akin to meditation. And other days it feels like a hideously tough session down the gym. (One day I will give up exaggerating. I promise).This then is for my "arms are dropping off" days. I…
I normally haven’t got time to read about the trials and tribulations of A-list celebrities. I never read Hello, give the National Enquirer a wide berth, and never, ever, never pick up a so called (ghost written) celebrity "autobiography". Never, ever, never…
One of the books that has shaped all the thoughts in my head is Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott. From her I learned that neither life nor the creative process have to be consumed or endured in one giant chunk,…
[dtbaker_banner text=”Links I Have Loved This Week” linkhref=”” type=”banner”] To Stay Married, Embrace Change Sometimes people feel betrayed by this change. They fell in love with one person, and when that person doesn’t seem familiar anymore, they decide he or she violated…
I think we would all like to say that a lot has changed in the forty years since the article on which the video below was based, was first printed, (Redstockings, 1970) but I’m not sure how true that would be….
16 Comments
Oh I do not think you foolish at all! how dull would life be if we only focused on the bigger picture? its the little things that stay with us and provide our children with real lasting memories,like you there are a things that need done in my home yet i can thrill myself time and time again with an old copy of woman and home, or a silly piece of frippery from a charity shop, its who we are Alison! xx
I feel you are directing your energy in the right direction. Your little boy won’t remember that the floor is imperfect, but the security and love he feels will echo through the coming generations.
Keep seeing things as darling as you do, dear Alison. The problem in this world isn’t too many who see the good and the grand. The problem is too few… who do.
No, Alison, not foolish at all. Seeing the good shows wisdom, and leads to a happier life. Please keep seeing the flowers, and forget the lino, or, consider the cracks as adding character!
A five year plan? I do well to think ahead to the next weekend. Besides, as sure as the sun rises and sets, any plans I make are sure to change. Your not missing a thing!
But…. don’t you think the fact that “little things” ..or a bit of humour… or indulging in some form of fantasy can get us through some pretty dark times is nothing less than amazing? My Mom was our special light during our darkest years as kids in a very bad and violent situation…….
Oh, I like to have my five year plan, and then I can casually disregard it and get on with the scrumptious little things! And I suspect my plan, of ‘being well read’ and ‘mix a great cocktail’ and ‘eat waffles up the eiffel tower while watching the sun set’ would not be the stuff that a life coach would think a five year plan should consist of!
Oh, Alison – I got actual tears in my eyes reading this. My heart was shouting “NOOOOOOOOO! Dont’ stop seeing the little things!!” Ditto to what all the wise folks above said – I love Sharon Olds and I agree with Veronica, that the ability to concentrate on those “little things” is “nothing less than amazing” and probably did alot for many of us!! And, well – about the drunk/bonkers men…there is something to drowning in those blue eyes (for awhile)..and then there’s that wise part of you (there is SO much wisdom in your posts!) that probably won’t settle for drowning – sounds like you were made to FLY.
I find that IS my five year plan… To concentrate on the little things, and on doing the ‘next thing’, and in five years looking back on how far I’ve come… You, dear Alison, are the one who keeps us all seeing the important things…
Sounds to me that the blemishes in your house and pretty much like mine too. People aren’t interested in how perfectly you live, they’re interested in the atmosphere and the people that live there 🙂 It’s nice to know you’re real like the rest of us…
Careless disregard for what makes your heart sing and concentrating on a five year plan would not make your life easier, only more frantic as years tick by. A singing heart will make the plan reasonable, possibly even attainable, and, indeed, much happier! Isn't "living in the moment" what we all wish we could do?!
Alison…you are practicing what the calls mindfulness, and being mindful is the way to enlightenment. Seeing the beauty in small things is the way to the divine, but I think you know that really. Don't you change a thing! Best, Anna Marie
What is the point of having a planned tomorrow, if you are not enjoying today? You have affirmed my resolution to just smile more often, and find pleasure in little things. And I agree that Finn will remember joyful memories more than roof tiles and floor coverings.
I get a bit giggly at the sight of my old pink stove.. and a bit flustered by my soot-covered fingers from ignighting the pilot light. Hubby says, “There’s a perfectly good, brand new stove in the basement. Why don’t we use that one?” Because I like being giggly over the lovely! Blessings… Polly
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
Oh I do not think you foolish at all! how dull would life be if we only focused on the bigger picture? its the little things that stay with us and provide our children with real lasting memories,like you there are a things that need done in my home yet i can thrill myself time and time again with an old copy of woman and home, or a silly piece of frippery from a charity shop, its who we are Alison! xx
I feel you are directing your energy in the right direction. Your little boy won’t remember that the floor is imperfect, but the security and love he feels will echo through the coming generations.
Keep seeing things as darling as you do, dear Alison. The problem in this world isn’t too many who see the good and the grand. The problem is too few… who do.
No, Alison, not foolish at all. Seeing the good shows wisdom, and leads to a happier life.
Please keep seeing the flowers, and forget the lino, or, consider the cracks as adding character!
A five year plan? I do well to think ahead to the next weekend. Besides, as sure as the sun rises and sets, any plans I make are sure to change. Your not missing a thing!
But…. don’t you think the fact that “little things” ..or a bit of humour… or indulging in some form of fantasy can get us through some pretty dark times is nothing less than amazing?
My Mom was our special light during our darkest years as kids in a very bad and violent situation…….
Oh, I like to have my five year plan, and then I can casually disregard it and get on with the scrumptious little things! And I suspect my plan, of ‘being well read’ and ‘mix a great cocktail’ and ‘eat waffles up the eiffel tower while watching the sun set’ would not be the stuff that a life coach would think a five year plan should consist of!
Oh, Alison – I got actual tears in my eyes reading this. My heart was shouting “NOOOOOOOOO! Dont’ stop seeing the little things!!”
Ditto to what all the wise folks above said – I love Sharon Olds and I agree with Veronica, that the ability to concentrate on those “little things” is “nothing less than amazing” and probably did alot for many of us!!
And, well – about the drunk/bonkers men…there is something to drowning in those blue eyes (for awhile)..and then there’s that wise part of you (there is SO much wisdom in your posts!) that probably won’t settle for drowning – sounds like you were made to FLY.
I find that IS my five year plan… To concentrate on the little things, and on doing the ‘next thing’, and in five years looking back on how far I’ve come…
You, dear Alison, are the one who keeps us all seeing the important things…
Sounds to me that the blemishes in your house and pretty much like mine too. People aren’t interested in how perfectly you live, they’re interested in the atmosphere and the people that live there 🙂
It’s nice to know you’re real like the rest of us…
Careless disregard for what makes your heart sing and concentrating on a five year plan would not make your life easier, only more frantic as years tick by. A singing heart will make the plan reasonable, possibly even attainable, and, indeed, much happier! Isn't "living in the moment" what we all wish we could do?!
Alison…you are practicing what the calls mindfulness, and being mindful is the way to enlightenment. Seeing the beauty in small things is the way to the divine, but I think you know that really. Don't you change a thing!
Best,
Anna Marie
This has to be one of my all time favourite posts Alison.:0)
What is the point of having a planned tomorrow, if you are not enjoying today? You have affirmed my resolution to just smile more often, and find pleasure in little things. And I agree that Finn will remember joyful memories more than roof tiles and floor coverings.
Please don't ever change. It is a gift.
I get a bit giggly at the sight of my old pink stove.. and a bit flustered by my soot-covered fingers from ignighting the pilot light. Hubby says, “There’s a perfectly good, brand new stove in the basement. Why don’t we use that one?” Because I like being giggly over the lovely! Blessings… Polly