Well Matey, who’d have thought we’d have come this far? I’ve dragged you up by your curly locks and sent you out (to Nana’s horror) in socks that don’t match, and you have learned to live with the fact that I am plainly a more eccentric case than your average Mommy at the school gates. We are doing stupidly well, though recently, little boy, it has come to my attention that you are labouring under various ridiculous notions, which should they be upheld may ultimately mark you out as the village idiot. So I am writing this to save your reputation (and my sanity) in the vain hope that while I never ever want to curtail such delicious imagination, I will prevent you making the kind of social blunders that may find you nicknamed Billy No Mates…
1. I don’t care what you say: you are not Chinese. You weren’t born in China and I have never carried you around the shops on my head. Maybe in a past life, Bab, but not this one…
2. Your theories on breast feeding are radical, but wrong; when the doctor pulls the babies out of the mummies tummys he does not, at the same time insert a zip into the Mummies chest and put two bottles of milk into her "boobies". Trust me that is not what happens and you do not have to present your theory to every breastfeeding Mum you come across. Charming though it may be…
3. I don’t think there is a person left on the planet who does not now know that The Grinch hates Christmas because in your own words "he had a bad experience". Enough already. Perhaps we could watch another film occasionally?
4. Yes your curly locks are precious but that does not mean they can’t be washed. Dreadlocks are so unbecoming on a three year old. Please cut out the song and dance routine at bathtime before your poor Mummy puts her head down the toilet and comes to a sorry end.
5. Medical evidence, including various scans, and the opinions of various clever consultants proved that there was just one little boy in my tummy while I was pregnant and that Finley, was you. The other little boy you tell me was hugging you (and crying a lot because he was so sad…) in the bubble in my bump is hopefully not still floating about, as you suggest, in there today. Please God.
6. Some people are a little more rotund than others. But darling, it is very, very rude to say so, even if as you so solomnly declare, "It is true Mum, he is fat, I am doing you a promise. "
7. I , Sweetie, am doing you a promise too: you will not die "of the headache" if you are forced to endure cauliflower cheese. Trust me, I am a Mommy…
8. I love you one hundred years and six too. But the man in the post office is the postmaster not Batman ok?
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
I have a new house phone. When it rings it plays a jazz tune I love but can’t identify. I like it so much I’ve been ringing myself from handset to handset. And when other people ring me I go into minor…
"Peggy was a good little girl on the whole, Quite good in a number of ways. But to tell of the lot that Peggy forgot Would take me several days." These gorgeous little illustrations are from a book I picked up at…
A slow morning after a long night. Finally climbing into bed at four o’clock in the morning when Ste returned home after a seven freezing hours sitting in the car waiting for the breakdown recovery that didn’t arrive. His shivery misery compounded…
“Oh, domesticity! The wonder of dinner plates and cream pitchers. You know your friends by their ornaments. You want everything. If Mrs. A has her Mama’s old jelly mold, you want one too and everything that goes with it – the family,…
Even those of us who deeply adore our homes find cause to leave them daily. Not always because we want to, but often because we must: to ferry children forwards and backwards, to attend jobs and visit friends and family, and though…
Housekeepers I am about to type a sentence I suspect you never thought I would ever type. I have spent the weekend knitting. Yep. Knitting. Going clickety clack with some pretty red needles and feeling immensely proud of myself and insisting that…
13 Comments
Do all British children talk this way?? It's like a television show! Where DOES Finn get this stuff? LOL Terri
Oh gosh, I just had to laugh at this post. My daughter has hair like Finns. She is 22 now, but, when she was 3 and had a mass of curls on her head she would scream like a banshee when it was shampoo time.. I would sing Elvis to her and somehow we would get it done. Now she loves her curls and wouldn’t think about going around with dreadlocks!
Aahhh, just wonderful! I especially love " I will die of the headache"! How fantastic is that! I shared this gem around my family and friends, it is destined to become a classic. Finn, you are putting British comedy writers to shame!!
What a little man. Enormously lovable, and oh, so very smart. Oh, Alison. I think you'd bettyer not blink because these are those years that are just gone in such a minute. Love you.
Love your site! You make me laugh. My little girl insisted she was Chinese when she was 3. Now she insists we celebrated Hannakuh in past years, which we haven't.
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
Do all British children talk this way?? It's like a television show! Where DOES Finn get this stuff? LOL
Terri
Oh that made me laugh. Priceless! I love Finn's view of the world more than the reality!
HAAAA! Oh my gosh, he (& you) make me laugh. I'm with Terri–where does he get this stuff? 🙂
Oh my gosh! Finn has a twinn?!
Laughed out loud! Hi-larious. What would we do without our children? Sit around and look at one another.
Finley is enormously funny. It is positively amazing what imaginative theories children create in their little heads.
Oh gosh, I just had to laugh at this post. My daughter has hair like Finns. She is 22 now, but, when she was 3 and had a mass of curls on her head she would scream like a banshee when it was shampoo time.. I would sing Elvis to her and somehow we would get it done. Now she loves her curls and wouldn’t think about going around with dreadlocks!
Aahhh, just wonderful! I especially love " I will die of the headache"! How fantastic is that! I shared this gem around my family and friends, it is destined to become a classic. Finn, you are putting British comedy writers to shame!!
What a little man. Enormously lovable, and oh, so very smart. Oh, Alison. I think you'd bettyer not blink because these are those years that are just gone in such a minute. Love you.
too funny!!! can I borrow him?
Love your site! You make me laugh. My little girl insisted she was Chinese when she was 3. Now she insists we celebrated Hannakuh in past years, which we haven't.
He sounds so adorable! I have my own little boy named Finn…with his own set of silly notions.
Your writing style is superb! You should get these hilarious bits together in a book!