Never Dance By Yourself.

By Alison January 7, 2008 37 Comments 2 Min Read


Bless my dotty socks. Bless me and  my crazy urge to bring  harm upon myself. Bless my urge to dance all by myself and do myself a damage.

On Boxing Day morning I was wandering up the stairs dancing to my own theme tune, when thwack! I swung my arm out in a diva kinda fashion at the height of my internal chorus and bashed my right hand so badly I keeled over in a dead faint in a rather fabulous impression of a badly insulted Victorian laydeee…

Pass the smelling salts please.

Then I came to,  threw up and took half an hour to get down the stairs and put in an emergency call to my Dad who arrived on his chariot and delivered me to my Mum, who said "There, there…" and that was the end of the matter. Except that it wasn’t. Because first my typing hand swelled up like a big balloon. And then it went black and blue. And everyday tasks like tying my hair up,  filling the kettle, and writing my shopping lists were stupidly hard but had to be done regardless. And I carried on with all the delights of Christmas and dating and dancing and clapping so hard at a wedding I went green and then a kind of elephant lady deformity appeared and it became apparent that a trip to the minor injuries unit might be called for so I took myself there and wasn’t even remotely surprised when the x-ray lady said, well, well, weelllll, never seen a fracture like this one, how on earth did you manage it? And I explained about my morning dance routine and she said well, perhaps it’s time to lower the volume because you have fractured a bone in your hand and there is a bone in your little finger splitting and  how IN HEAVENS NAME have you been going about your business??

And I said I’m one tough cookie, and she said no you are a broken biscuit, and leaving it for two weeks before you came here was downright silly because the bones are already mending and the finger is splitting and who knows what we are going to do now? And I smiled in a positive fashion and agreed to see a specialist on Thursday and to never type, or write, or breathe again and  yes, it certainly seems like there is no end to my calamitous life….

But never mind. Because there is a splint till Thursday and horrible talk of a cast, and my hand is as gammy as my brain has always been,  but the rest of my world is kind of  scrumptiously happy…

But I’ll tell you all about that next time I see you.


  1. lazy h says:

    Oh poor Alison – I do hope it mends soon.
    (But this did make me laugh!)
    Happy new year!

  2. Carlie says:

    Heavens! Take care of yourself! I wondered where you'd been keeping yourself. Heal up now and we'll all be waiting for you when you get back.

  3. Marsha says:

    Wha…? The next time you see us? What on earth? I mean, I'm sorry about the hand and all, but can't you get some of that voice recognition software so you can tell us why you're so hippy happy while also retaining your promise not to type?
    (I'm joking, of course, but only a little!)

  4. Grace says:

    Oh dear me! I'm so hoping you'll be all fixed up soon. Take care of yourself. And go ahead and dance, but keep your hands to your side next time!

  5. Susannah says:

    Oh dear!! I think the fainting might have been meant to be a clue! 🙂
    Please take care of yourself! I hope the specialist will give you better news than the x-ray lady did!

  6. Ali says:

    Get well soonest!

  7. Gill says:

    I knew something was up…I was thinking of sending round the cavalry soon to see if you were ok! I hope its not TOOO painful. Thank God you didn't fall down the stairs too:) Gill.

  8. elainey says:

    …write a book ..,write a book…write book…pretty please…

  9. OohLaLaura says:

    Oh, Dancing QUEEN!
    Glad to hear your didn't disappear…I was so missing you. Good luck with that poor hand!

  10. debbie says:

    You are a tease! Next time? "the rest of my world is kind of scrumptiously happy" and you'll tell us about that next time! I'm hoping it has something to do with "all the delights of Christmas and dating," especially dating! Heal quickly, I can't stand the suspense!

  11. Gill says:

    Oh you're such a tease! When IS the next time? Is it going to be soon? Can't wait to hear the reason for your scrumptious happiness! Look after that hand and do as the nice nurse tells you.
    Gill x

  12. La Chouette says:

    Oh, poor Alison! Even in a moment like this, you manage to make me laugh! Well, I see this story as a sign 2008 will be a spectacular year for you! Happy New Year and please take good care of your hand.

  13. Victoria says:

    What an amazing post if it was a tale of misfortune!
    Wishing you well and look forward to the next installment!
    Best Wishes

  14. Anita says:

    Oh, Allison! I find myself just shaking my head in wonder almost every time I read your blog…
    I do hope you're feeling better soon!

  15. Anita says:

    Oops! Spelled your name wrong… Hazards of knowing three different Alison's with three different spellings… lol Sorry!

  16. Poppy says:

    You poor thing–get better soon so you can type all the juicy details you're leaving out now.

  17. Mary Ellen says:

    You poor, poor child. I hope it knits back together properly and soon. That "dance like no one's looking" advice doesn't always pay off!

  18. Katherine says:

    That sounds so painful! I hope you will heal quickly~I was happy to see you back on-line!

  19. Ouch. That does sound painful – particularly as it is your typing hand… and, perhaps, your holding a hunky guy's hand hand?? Do tell more…..

  20. Monique says:

    That sounds very painful !! I hope you won't have to be in cast for too long. But hey every week is too long when you want to do lots of things, so I hope it will fly by. Please take care !!!

  21. June says:

    Alison, I am so sorry this has happened to you and I wish you the very best.

  22. Terri says:

    Geez, Alison!! Hope they fix it quickly and well. Let this be a lesson to you: When things swell up and turn green, you should probably go to the doctor!
    Happy New Year anyway.
    God bless.

  23. gena says:

    Nutter!!!!! LOL! hope the hand gets well soon, I eagerly await the next chapter….

  24. Sasha says:

    What a hilarious way to break your hand!!!! Not that it's funny you did of course…..
    Hope it mends in the correct fashion soon – not least because I NEED to know what's been happening to make not even a bizarrely broken hand dampen your spirits! Could you teach Finlay to type perchance…..???!!!

  25. Happy New Year, you poor broken biscuit! Thanks for leaving us some crumbs about your scrumptiously happy world. Now we are going to have to check back on the hour, every hour. Rest up and get well soon!

  26. ari says:

    you poor darling I hope your finger is gonna be okay!

  27. ari says:

    you poor darling I hope your finger is gonna be okay!

  28. Jean T says:

    Good heavenly days!!! You didn't mention crying. I fell down our stairs (twice in a month) and laid there like a child crying….. So much for innter grit. Hope all goes well.

  29. Cheryl Dack says:

    OH no! YOu poor thing! How painful that must have been and perhaps still is! Coddle yourself, dear, and take advantage of this. There must be some odious tasks you can have done for you, right? 😉 And my goodness…you are the cool cucumber leaving us hanging like that, now aren't you? I will be be on pins and needles 'til next you post!

  30. Melanie says:

    Ah Alison! I hope your hand mends soon, at least you can have a joke about it! What luck! Take care of that hand!

  31. Tina says:

    goodness gracious girl..ouch! hope that hand heals up quickly without requiring too much expense.

  32. Jayne says:

    Oh, no wonder there has been a long silence from you! Now I can see why. Oh my poor sweet, that must have been absolute agony. My family say I have a high pain threshold but you clearly beat me [broken] hands down because I think I'd have been a jibbering wreck. At least you're now being seen to.
    I hope it all mends very soon.
    My very best wishes to you,

  33. Roxie says:

    I'm so sorry that you hurt yourself so terribly, but what better way to go. I agree with the doctor, the volume should probably be turned down a bit.
    I know that the louder I have my music turned up in the car, the less I can concentrate on the actual driving part of driving. Who knows where my arms end up or which way my head will turn, sooooo dangerous I'm sure.
    Hope your hand gets better and you'll be back to dancing soon.

  34. Polly says:

    Oh now it's just mean to make us wait like that! However, I totally understand about your hand. Last Summer I tripped over the dog and hit my wrist on the doorjam and the rest is pretty much like your tale =) I'm thrilled for you that life is happy (please tell us about the Mark situation) and I know you'll be on the mend soon. Blessings… Polly

  35. Mary says:

    Dear Allison,
    I will offer myself as your scribe. You can call me and my nimble and unbroken fingers will type your next entry. You simply cannot tantalize us like this. It's not to be borne!
    Heal quickly and come back soon!

  36. dianeinjapan says:

    I've been away from home and from the computer, and I come back to this?! Oh, dear…please heal quickly!

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