Out Of The Frying Pan and Into The Nursery.

By Alison October 10, 2005 6 Comments 3 Min Read


Prepare to be bored. Yet again I find myself obliged to jump into the whole "Should I Be A Stay At Home Mommy, Or Not" debate.

Finley has a temperature and a yukky snotty nose, so this morning I decided not to send him to the nursery he started two week’s ago.  Not because he is dying upwards. He isn’t.  But because he isn’t himself and I don’t want him to feel rubbish anywhere other than here, where I can do my best to make him feel better.

This isn’t to say that I don’t  think that the nursery are capable of looking after him. True, dangerously they seem to be incapable of understanding the whole glutton free thing, but I am hoping that this will sort itself out in the next few weeks, and I am also preparing myself for a lifetime of explaining that yes, cakes have glutton in them, but jelly is safe and thus there is no need to provide him with a banana and hope he won’t notice that the rest of the kid’s are enjoying a birthday party lunch…

It isn’t that. It isn’t even that I feel guilty that he has to go to nursery at all, simply so that I can create time to make BrocanteHome as wonderful as one day, I hope it will be. It’s simply that he is already struggling to understand why he has to go at all, why he has to be looked after by that "man" (actually a lovely  girl called Miss Evans) and why, when he has made it quite clear he doesn’t want to go (Do you like your lovely school, Finn? No. No. NO!), I still deliver him there twice a week. So to make him go, when he feels tired and hot and sniffly, just seem’s plain old mean…

Oh God, I am making excuses aren’t I?

Last week, a report by Penelope Leach, stated that children who are raised by their Mothers at home do significantly better than those who are farmed out to nurseries or, indeed looked after by childminders, Nanny’s or relations. While having Finley cared for by his Grandparents (the least favoured option by Leach) is not an option at all for us due to the fact that they all still enjoy full time job’s, this to my mind at least, would be favourable to having him cared for by a childminder in her own house, due I think to the fact that I am so firmly in favour of establishing a strong sense of "Home" in my child’s mind, that to have him spend however many hour’s in another woman’s house, to my mind at least, seems to blur the lines. Does that make sense?

And yet….

Last week I stood outside the nursery window and watched Finley sitting on a stool, crying by himself, while the nursery nurses attended to other children. If he had been at home he would not have been crying. If he had been at Nana’s house he would have been scooped up in a scrumptious Nana hug, and even if he had been in a childminders house, he would surely have been at the very least, noticed, and as such attended to however she saw fit. I don’t want him crying. Anywhere. But if he feel’s he must, I want him to cry somewhere, where his tears will at least be acknowledged, and he will be reassured, cajoled, or cuddled back into happiness.

So what to do? Take him out of nursery and wrap him up in cotton wool forever? Abandon my ambition for BrocanteHome and dedicate myself to making sure that my precious little boy is never ever contaminated by what amounts to the real world?

Of course not. The nursery is in the school I hope Finley will eventually attend, a couple of doors down the road. He is mixing with other children and experiencing boundaries and social pressure’s I could not erect for him. And he is more than ready for it.

It’s me who isn’t.


  1. Mimi xxx says:

    Oh, dratted Leach report! Reports always make us doubt ourselves. Ok so she says that those who are raised by their mothers do significantly better than those who are not, but Finn is at home with his Mum so much more than he is at nursery- and what a home, and what a Mum! And hopefully when the time comes, school wont be such a culture shock for him, having warmed up at nursery!

  2. Susana says:

    It is a very hard decision to make. Luckily, he is only in the nursery for two days. Like Mimi said, he is mostly at home with you. No one can ever take the place of a Mom, and I personally feel that children are better off being at home with Mommy. Not because they will be super brainy children, blah, blah, blah, but because they will recieve the most love and caring from their dear Mom. I made the decision not to pursue my bath and body business because I felt that my children needed a mommy more than they needed more money for extra toys and clothes, etc.. The decision is a tough one Alison, but I do really think that two days out of seven for little Finley to play and do art activities, etc.. with other children is kind of a nice thing. Follow your heart. You know your little boy, and will continue to do what's best for him. Good luck!

  3. Savannah says:

    OH, Alison, how difficult it is to make big decisions like this when there are no "for sures" and many "maybe's" and not a single "absolutely" in sight. With such a wonderful mom and dad, auntie, and grandparents, Finley will be fine, no matter what. Sometimes little charming and way beyond their years intelligent little boys and girls test the waters in a new situation with all kinds of buttons, including tears, tantrums, etc. He may have just been doing that and they maybe knew it??? But if he's truly unhappy on any kind of regular basis, we don't want that. Why does Finley say he doesn't want to go? It is sometimes good to get used to that kind of schoolroom environment to avoid the confusion when they start school, and then again… how delicious to have those young years at home… It is so true that both have the advantage and disadbantages, too. You will make the right decision, I know. I am sure of it because you have the spirit, spunk, and sense to do so. I would trust you with this decision any day of the week… Time usually helps, and in a few weeks you will just know the answer. Bug bug hug! — gAYLA

  4. Savannah says:

    I meant big big hug! Wow…

  5. blackbird says:

    uh, I am new here (and I like it! there is so much to see!) but, as a mom of older children, I'd just like to say that you will always be conflicted…nursery one day, neighborhoods in the big city for his apartment the next. But it seems to me that you have a good head on your shoulders. So -tho you have not asked, I say: go with your gut.
    You will be fine.

  6. Amber says:

    I SO know the dilemma you are going through right now! I just returned to work (part time until noon everyday) for the first time in 8 years and every day I go to work I worry about whether or not I am doing the right thing. You are not alone-this struggle weighs on my heart every minute that I am awake. My little one is in preschool while I work and then spends an hour with her gramma before she comes home to lunch with Mommy. But I struggle. Doesn't she deserve 100% of me? Don't I deserve happiness outside of Mommy-hood? Will it ever end??? I'm with you, Allison!

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