I saw this video on Gala Darling a few weeks ago and knew that at some point I had to share it: that even if somehow, someday the words, please don’t stay, it won’t be ok, haunt the mind of just one women tolerating something that she doesn’t have to, long enough to encourage her to take the first steps on the carpet to freedom, then that would be enough. Here on BrocanteHome I try to keep life as light-hearted as I can. Even when my own isn’t. You see I want BrocanteHome to be a retreat for all us, a place where we can indulge each other with frills and frippery and celebrate what it is to lead a scrumptiously blissful life at home. I want my writing to remind you that extreme self-care is essential, that kindness is important and that you as Mistress of the household matter above all else. This is the message I want every woman reading Brocantehome to take away with her. But life isn’t all ribbon-wrapped lavender and lace is it? Somewhere, very close to you, there is a woman spritzing her pillows with orange blossom only so that she will be able to fall asleep before he decides to lumber up the stairs to bed. Another woman never baking cupcakes because he has told her, her bum is too big.  Another spilling terrible scenes into the journal she has stuffed between the mattress, because it is the only little bit of herself she has left. Women with all the bells and whistles of a lovely life, nursing hearts that are bloodied and battered and children frightened out of their little wits. We don’t have to pretend life is perfect do we? Mine isn’t. Behind the scenes, something casts a long, dark shadow over all that is precious to me.  And while most of you will hopefully never experience something quite as painful, I know that I am not alone- that each and every one of us  tucks our own personal sorrow into bed at night and wears it strapped to our hearts daily. We all do it, we all have things that shame us and hurt us. Things we tolerate or barely abide. Shame makes us human, vulnerable, real. Pain helps us grow into the women we should be desperately proud to be. But fear is a different thing altogether. Domestic violence shrouds a women’s life in a destructive mess of pain and shame dressed in God-awful fear. Fear compromises our ability to make rational decisions and slowly, but surely erodes any sense of self-worth we may have had.  Women DIE at its hands daily, literally and emotionally, and we don’t have to look hard to see the ghosts of women suffering at its hands even in our own circles. Women and babies who flinch at a raised voice and never lift their eyes up from the floor long enough to see the bigger picture. This then is for all of them on this cold, windy morning: a reminder on the day before we are supposed to celebrate our own true love that we don’t have to stay. All too often, it ISN’T OK.
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" –Marianne Williamson Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome Browse the Bookstore Discover a curated list of books to enhance and support life…
Influential weekend decisions And so it seems that when big influential decisions are made, they are made quite suddenly. In this case, the weekend. In the ordinary process of conversation. When someone says something, (a nothing, a meandering idea) and something simply…
“The lives of most women are so vaguely unsatisfactory. They are always doing secondary and menial things (that do not require all their gifts and ability) for others and never anything for themselves. Society and husbands praise them for it (when they…
"Am disconcerted, at breakfast, to recieve letter from old school friend saying What am I doing with My Brain these days, and isn’t it a Pity to Let It All Go? Know what she means but am very angry nevertheless, and lose…
Though those that know me might snigger at the next sentence. I am intrinsically sensible. And as I head into what my dad is referring to as my “middle age”, I seem to be getting more sensible by the day. All of…
On the first day of this year, I published a list of Personal Promises on this here blog… Readers, I confess, I broke my promises as easily as I frequently break my diet. In short I am rubbish. Resolutions were never my…
I was a volunteer worker at a women's shelter some years ago. The pattern I saw most often was "a history of violence". Abuse, like prejudice, is more often than not a learned behaviour. It victimizes everyone involved, hence the cycle repeats. As your video demonstrated. My recent post Happy Weekend
The decision to walk away was heartbreaking, but seeing the effect it was having on my young sons convinced me that even after 20 years of marriage it was the right decision. My ex learned his behaviour from his father and I didn't want it to continue down the generations. I wish I'd had the courage to leave as soon as it started.
Oh, Allison, this is both a lovely AND a heartstopping post… What's maybe even sadder is that it happens to men, too… I have a lovely friend who takes care of a wife with a mental illness. He won't leave… What's nice is that there are so many more options for women now. It's no longer such a stigma. But this makes me think of a lovely idea. I'm wondering how many shelters and respite care centers have those homey touches that might make staying there not such a shock. Maybe this is something we "Brocante" ladies could do! Maybe if we don't have time to really volunteer in some of the more traditional ways at a shelter (though I'm not sure what that would involve in this context, I'm ashamed to admit…), we could ask if there's something we could do to make the place a little more cheery, a little more inviting. I'm getting ready to move to another location, and I''m thinking maybe some of the things I was thinking of packing could be taken to a local shelter and used to brighten up a room where some poor dear is staying. I can always get more, but she might not be able to for a while!
Walking away can be harder than enduring the abuse. It's hard for a woman to see that she will survive when she's had all the strength and confidence sucked out of her. But jumping that hurdle was the best thing I ever did. My recent post A Ripple Update
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
Brave and beautiful Alison
Helen x
Wise words indeed and never a truer word spoken,great post Alison.
I was a volunteer worker at a women's shelter some years ago. The pattern I saw most often was "a history of violence". Abuse, like prejudice, is more often than not a learned behaviour. It victimizes everyone involved, hence the cycle repeats. As your video demonstrated.
My recent post Happy Weekend
Thanks Alison this really touched me x
The decision to walk away was heartbreaking, but seeing the effect it was having on my young sons convinced me that even after 20 years of marriage it was the right decision. My ex learned his behaviour from his father and I didn't want it to continue down the generations. I wish I'd had the courage to leave as soon as it started.
Oh, Allison, this is both a lovely AND a heartstopping post… What's maybe even sadder is that it happens to men, too… I have a lovely friend who takes care of a wife with a mental illness. He won't leave…
What's nice is that there are so many more options for women now. It's no longer such a stigma.
But this makes me think of a lovely idea. I'm wondering how many shelters and respite care centers have those homey touches that might make staying there not such a shock.
Maybe this is something we "Brocante" ladies could do! Maybe if we don't have time to really volunteer in some of the more traditional ways at a shelter (though I'm not sure what that would involve in this context, I'm ashamed to admit…), we could ask if there's something we could do to make the place a little more cheery, a little more inviting.
I'm getting ready to move to another location, and I''m thinking maybe some of the things I was thinking of packing could be taken to a local shelter and used to brighten up a room where some poor dear is staying. I can always get more, but she might not be able to for a while!
<3
Beautifully written, as always, Alison.
On this subject, and something that was also well written:
http://hellogiggles.com/im-not-okay-with-chris-br…
Thank you for blogging on such a sensitive issue – the more we recognise it happens and talk about it, the more that can be done about it
Walking away can be harder than enduring the abuse. It's hard for a woman to see that she will survive when she's had all the strength and confidence sucked out of her. But jumping that hurdle was the best thing I ever did.
My recent post A Ripple Update