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  1. I think that it’s helpful to remember that children grow up in spite of their parents. You did. We all did. He is loved. That’s most of the job right there. Be gentle with yourself.

  2. Kristie’s comment is right on the money. I love what she said and wholeheartedly agree. Be kind to yourself – you’re learning this as you go – as we all are.

  3. …Alison, you’re quite evidently a wonderful mum, even when you’re(quite naturally!) exhausted. One of my neighbours, already having had 3 children, has just announced she’s pregnant yet again..and you know what? She doesn’t deserve to be. It’s quite possibly one of the most dreadful thoughts I’ve ever admitted to having had.
    It just seems so fundamentally unfair that people with such scant regard for the children they already have continue to have more, pleased to be having yet another “baby” to fuss over and make them feel important. I cannot remember who said the following quote yet it’s a saying that’s so very true.
    You’re not having a baby, you’re having a PERSON.
    Finn is so young, all the “problems” you describe are ludicrous, I’ll bet you feel like shouting from the rooftops that children develop certain skills at different times to each other, when they are good and ready! I had similar issues when my son was Finn’s age and guess what? All of a sudden he’d be able to do what ever it was that had been demanded of him…in his own time! Don’t let them grind you down. Wishing you the courage of your convictions when you have to face these challenges x …sorry for such a long post.

  4. More assessments? Honestly, don't worry about them. My girls are now 19 and 23 but even 23 years ago they were starting to test and assess children. I got myself twisted up into knots about an assessment they wanted to do on my older girl (according to their bench mark she wasn't physically reacting the way she should, I suppose similar to Finn). My doctor at the time was one of the old school type, fairly close to retirement, but he had been largely responsible for setting up the ante natal care in our island, so I guess we can assume he knew a thing or two about children. I was at his surgery one day, worrying about my little girl's development because the people 'in the know' had made me fret. He completely put my mind at rest by calmly stating the commonly known and now often forgotten fact that children develop both intellectually and physically at different rates. Where my daughter needed to catch up on some physical development, she was far ahead on speech. In the end, just as he predicted, it all pretty much evened out during primary school. …Just as he was right about her height … I had been advised that based upon her height at aged three she was most likely going to be in excess of six foot two as an adult! As an adult she's five foot four.
    Seriously, please try not to worry. As for fretting about everything else, it may not help overly much but you're in a big club of mothers who care. We all fret. I still do, even though mine are grown up. What I think we all see, here on the outside, is a good and loving Mum, nurturing a sensitive and artistic soul. For what it's worth, I think it sounds like you're doing a great job.

  5. Alison there is so much I would like to say. Firstly, I am more than sure that you are a fantastic Mother and you are doing your very best for dear Finn. Secondly, please try not to worry about what these stupid teachers/child psychologists/so called experts say. Children develop at such different paces. I always remember that my Sister was very slow to start reading and the teachers were all worried, and surely there must be something wrong with her. My Sister got 10 A grade GCSEs, 3 A grade A Levels and a first class degree! Like I said, children are all develop differently. Don’t let them make you worry about Finn. He sounds like a very bright little boy. Thirdly, crikey I am so with you on the man issue. I went on two dates over the weekend with perhaps the most perfect man and he is clearly quite crazy about me, yet I feel totally freaked out by it and all I can do is think of my ex George(who also wants to still be friends!) and compare this new man to him. Why can’t it all be simple?!!
    Keep going dear Alison, you are a great Mummy!

  6. Hello Alison, Nonnie has just written what I should have liked to write (but better!). I believe you to be a fine mother and Finn to be a happy and lovely child, and I very much hope that the therapists see that.

  7. hate to even state what seems obvious to me.. as others will probably want to jump on me for thinking I am cruel…but… perhaps your own over-reaction to so much is affecting your son. Don't forget that kids are sponges…they have ears and eyes… a lot of people seem to forget that. If they don't have a role model for that very thing… they probably wouldn't bother doing it. Hope you don't take it the wrong way………..

  8. this post brought tears to my real, so honest,so true.
    why do we all have to be tested, measured up- torn apart – what possible good will come of it?
    you would know if something was "wrong"- and, then what ? what real difference does it make ? you sound like a good Mom to me, and Finn seems like a delightful child.
    more than once I've told teachers,(etc.)- that I do not agree with their opinion of my children or of what they think is important-I have never regretted it- I only regret the times I did what I "should " and not what was true and right in my heart.
    and, by the way, I have sweet, smart, kind, wonderful children!
    they are not at all like most other people and I wouldn't have it any other way !

  9. -sigh- You paint it in a way that I think, maybe, I can see it. I think, maybe, I have even felt it. Fin is fine. More than fine, probably. Our society likes to blame the differences in our children (& us) on something. Can't ever just be that they are individuals! Sure, he's going to be touched by the fact that his parents aren't together. But it can touch him in a positive way just as easily as it could a negative way. They think it defines him and right now maybe it does. But it won't forever. Do you know, I heard that if a child never went to school until the age of 7, he/she would enter school reading and adding and no further behind than the child who had been in school all those years. I don't know how your school system works there but I say, he's YOUR son and you can go into that meeting doing the telling! I'll be praying. Blessings… Polly

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