The Best of Times and The Worst of Times.

By Alison July 9, 2006 40 Comments 3 Min Read


You open your eyes and your heart is flooded with hope. The sun is shining and the baby is  the sweetest little pea.  You get dressed in a hurry, casually thrown together, sunglasses perched on your curls and  emerald green metallic flip flops on your feet. You feel calm and happy and ok. Most of all you feel ok.

You and your babba sing along to the wails of James Blunt on the way to your favorite car boot sale, because in a fit of  "I will offer myself the chance to grieve for what isn’t " you are drowning yourself in sad songs and "Goodbye My Lover" fits the bill right now in a way that only "I Will Survive" will hopefully do before too long…

The boot sale is buzzing with  old people  and their scrumptiously wonderful  boxes full of yesterday and you are  hopping silly giddy  from  one wonderful stall to the next amassing treasures for copper, flirting with very old men, and finally allowing yourself to  dream of a life less ordinary than what might have been.

You find more pieces to add to your BlossomTime collection, buy three deliciously pretty tins, a pillowcase embroidered with the titles of yesterdays songs, piles and piles of gorgeous household linens and a truly beautiful hand towel from a girl who invites you to her house to take your pick from treasures she must sell before she moves to Australia.

The baby is covered in ice cream and you are happy and you know it. And then you lose your purse, with your keys and the last pennies you’ve got in the world in it. But you don’t cry because you are a brave, fearless Mommy and these tiny little battles are simply tests of strength you doubt you’ve got.

So you flutter your eyelashes at the ice cream man and you call Mark, the only other person in the world with keys to your car. And he says oh you are so ridiculous,  and what the hell is wrong with you, and no I can’t come right now because (she who has no name) is ill and we are in hospital. So you think about sobbing and decide against it. You look at the black clouds above your head and the dispersing car boot sale all around you and you insist that he  brings those keys  RIGHT  NOW or else you may well lose your mind. Then you sit on the grass as one ice cream man climbs out of his van to clean up your sticky babba, while the other wanders from stall to stall  enquiring about your precious pink purse. People are so kind.  Recently you find yourself constantly astonished by it. Overwhelmed.   

So  you wait. And you wait. And secretly hope that she’s suffering from something hideous and tell yourself off for having cruel thoughts and walk about with the baby on your shoulders so he can spot Daddy in the crowd.  And then he is there. In a shiny car. And he winds down the window and offers you the key, and you say get out of the car and talk to your baby and he says he can’t right now, because he is already late for picking her up and he doesn’t want her family to think he doesn’t care. And you say GET OUT THAT CAR RIGHT NOW. And he says she is in hospital with the stress of all of this, and dear me little boy you are in a terrible mess and goodness isn’t your Mother looking after you?

And then he drives away and you stand in the rain sobbing because you  saw  the hand tied, raffia wrapped white bouquet on the back seat of the car and all the  shabby little wot nots you’ve bought for yourself  cease to matter in it’s reflection. And it makes no difference that the ice cream man has found your purse and he’s very sorry but though your keys are still there whoever took it has stole your very last penny and who knows how you are going to manage now?

It doesn’t matter. Because it is over. He’s never coming home again.

They do not love that do not show their love.


  1. Sharon says:

    You will get over this. You are an amazing woman.

  2. Gena King says:

    Oh Alison! I cannot comment on this blog about Mark as I would have to use profoundly bad language,but trust me,what goes around,comes around,he will find out sooner or later that the grass is never greener,whilst you my darling will have moved on,BIG TIME!!! you are worth much more,I am sending you a big virtual cuddle my friend xx( and anyhow I just bet the other woman is a gargoyle)xx

  3. Kelly says:

    Okay…..had to comment on this one, because I'm the type of girlfriend that trys to heal all wounds. Unfortunately, you'll have to deal with this blook all your life……handsome Fin and all: And you will learn that you are stronger than you think you really will. And if there are times when you think you won't make it, know this. Karma will kill this man, make him miserable & full of ugly guilt. And you, of course, will be able to pick and choose & really know what happiness is made of. Light pretty candles, wash a tub of your new linens & smile at yourself today Alison!

  4. Kristy says:

    Just remember that you are like those treasures you found today.Somebody loved them once and now you do too.All they need are a little clean,some fresh eyes and a lots of appreciation.BTW I always consider a dirty child a happy child!

  5. Terri Pollhein says:

    First of all, get your keys back from this horse's ass. He would leave you and his son locked out without a second thought? What a self centered pig!
    Second, love the dishes.
    Third, If you have not already gotten an attorney (and one of those really vicious, blood sucking types), do go get one and protect yourself and your child.
    I wish I could be there and give you a hug and invite you out to dinnner. I wish I could give that Mark a kick right where it REALLY hurts. But mostly I wish for your heart to heal and for you to find the happiness you deserve.
    God bless you!

  6. June says:

    It will probably take more time but eventually you're going to see that his shallow self-centeredness is somethiing from which you have escaped. In the meantime, you'll have these moments with him that leave you feeling robbed of breath. Letting him see you upset and angry gives him power over you–take that away from him. Power should come from within so take back your power and make your life what you want it to be. I find it ironic that "She Who Will Not Be Named" is having to resort to the hospital to deal with her "stress of all this." Have you considered that her so-called stress is really probably a fear that he'll want to return to you and Finley? No matter, do you really want him back? I think you're mourning what is loss (it's okay to grieve over this) but your life will truly be better without a man like Mark. We all love you, Alison, and want only the best for you.
    P.S. I totally agree with Terri.

  7. Rosemary says:

    I love the dishes and James Blunt!!

  8. Claudette says:

    Alison, Exalt in the glory of being rid if such an odious little man! To not want you is one thing, but put some neurotic female before is own child is DESPICABLE. The fact she is in hospital (for stress!!!!!!!!) is the beginning of the end of their sordid union. He will start to see you as the rock and will get on his hands and knees to crawl….Myself and a work colleague use Latin as a code, search FILIUS NULLIUS and you'll see Mark's name come up! Remember the anguish is the price for the eventual trophy. "Robbie" awaits in the wings, don't know when he'll come on, but of that be assurred. Thinking of you, Claudette

  9. Sweetie, if he doesn't have the time to get out and say hi to his son, that his loss. Do not force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Except, take care of the both of you monetarily. That, you make sure he does!
    But, really, one day he may regret not taking time out for his son, or his son may not have time for him one day.
    That's what I think.
    You are a lovely treasure.

  10. Savannah says:

    Yeah, yesterday was just that kind of day. And I can just picture you there in the parking lot, emotions and shock swirling around you as he drove in, drove out, kind of like he was driving around inside your memories and heart and feelings all at the same time. We would love to deny that such men exist, let alone that we could possibly love them. If you see a glimmer of a door to getting out, then get out of love while the "gettin's good" as my gramma used to say. Mark has a new family to "impress" because he damn well knows he has "blown" it with the one he had. Guilt, and some kind of sheepish pride will keep him occupied and insulated from the reality of the love he has left behind probably for the rest of his life. The Mark you are crying for simply doesn't exists "sans" this new, now one you have recently "met." I am so sorry, honey. And I join with the others as always in saying "yesh, it is so very definitely HIS loss," b ut I realize it feels very much like a loss for you as well at this point. Can we all make it collectively together, ladies? James Blunt was playing on my radio yesterday, too, as I made a foolish journey down hope lane. Goodby, My lover, indeed…. He simply speaks to our inner "angst," eh? What is up with me and quotation marks today? I'm sorry about the car keys and the day, honey. I hope today is a sunnier one. Big Big Hugs! — G.

  11. Alicat says:

    I don't have any good advice to give..but just to say I'm sorry you and the little one had to go through that. I'm so sorry. 🙁

  12. Nancy says:

    Well, I am not as much of a lady as Gena King is…….I WILL say what most of us are thinking….
    If you need to delete that, I understand.
    I have lived thru this very scenario and believe me, I wept more for anger and feeling like a fool played than for loss since I realized I deserved better than that.
    You will see him get his own very soon. While it will not ease your sting, it will put a sly smile upon your face and you will still be beautiful and strong and wiser.
    Some men can be such pigs…….disgusting, fat pigs and you know what they say of those:
    "Never wrestle with a pig…you both get filthy – but the pig loves it!"
    We love you, Kiddo!
    p.s. The karma thing is so predictable. One more example of been-there-done-that is the cow my ex left me for has breast cancer, he has almost loss his business (that WE built!), he's a raging alcoholic, and his family HATES her! My, isn't he the happy duck!

  13. Lisa says:

    Oh,that sounds like a hideous experience. What a bleep for being more worried about his homewrecker than his son. Your babba is so lucky to have a parent as stellar as you. You are doing it everyday, Alison. You are rising to the occasion and acting with class. Now go make yourself some extra pairs of keys and know how many strong, wonderful women are behind as you deal with this.

  14. I'm with Terri – get the keys back, get a solicitor so you don't have to deal with these kinds of dramas. I'm so sorry your lovely day was spoiled by that encounter. But fabulous dishes! Cook yourself something delightful, set a festive table and take care of YOU and the adorable Finley. You deserve nothing but the best, dear heart!

  15. Kelly says:

    This is the beginning of healing sweet friend…been there and done that so I can say it….the moments of joy followed by such sadness you truly think you will die..but you don't…but one day you realize that the moments of joy have become more than the moments of sadness…and it is then you know what we all already know in our WILL survive… will come out on the otherside stronger and more beautiful than ever(in Mississippi we use the term Steel Magnolia-beautiful and delicate looking on the outside, but strong and resilant on the inside)you my dear are a Steel Magnolia if I have ever seen one!! Love to you and Finley!

  16. Kim says:

    Oh my goodness I am SEETHING for so many reasons on your behalf, most especially for the way that he is treating Finley. I will not go on & on, but know that you are taking the higher road. And, I am 100% with Terri, you must get an attorney if you haven't already to protect yourself & Finley. Here is a Huge HUG to you, from across the pond! 🙂

  17. mandy says:

    those shabby little wot nots are worth a million of those bouquets, how dare he treat you and little finley like that, and her with no name does have a name but it is not printable on such a lovely website, sorry you had such a horrible day, hope the coming week is better.
    keep your head up girl,
    lots of hugs to you and finley.

  18. Shelley says:

    Oh, but he is a heartless bastard! Your dignity and grace throughout this painful experience are inspiring. I hope you can feel the love and friendship extended to you, Alison.

  19. mum says:

    Oh sweetheart, although I was there to try and soothe you yesterday and today,it seems worse to see it written down! You are strong, you know it and I AM ABSOLUTELY SURE OF IT.Of course YOU WILL SURVIVE and come out of all of this the Alison you were meant to be before his negativity almost floored you.
    Chin up Babe, see you tomorrow xx

  20. Holly says:

    Alison-Mark should just thank his stars that he is on another continent than most of the women who know and love you as we all do. We would seriously harm him and "she who must not be named" for hurting you and Fin-my heart just aches and aches for you, my darling.
    You are far far too good a woman for this to happen to, but remember this "everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok then it's not the end"
    You and your babba will come out on top in all this, absolutely.

  21. Savannah says:

    Alison, Alison… Can you just feel the power of the HERD??? When I read these posts (which I whole-heartedly endorse), I am floored by the sheer vitriolic choir of bared teeth and grrrrrrrr's coming out of us. You just have to feel it. A good girlfriend is worth all the gold in China or tea in California or however that goes… and look at all these women with pitchforks in hand to rout the ignorant cad!!! Whooo Whooo! Yay, women!!!! It kinda makes ya proud to be a sistah, doesn't it????? Hugs again!

  22. Meredith says:

    Geesh. Won't get keys for you to take his CHILD home with? Won't get out of the car to talk to his CHILD? I can't print here what I want to say. I just hope he still secretly checks out your website because I want to tell him he is such a sorry, lost person to favor some homewrecking girl over his family.
    We all proud of you and send you love and support and wish Mark long years of erectile disfunction.

  23. Susana says:

    You have GOT to be kidding me! Right? This did not seriously happen. This is absolutely absurd!!! Did he turn into a heartless Oger overnight or did it slowly happen? It is just too much! What in the world is he thinking? I seriously did not want to bad talk about him, and be all gracefull, but enough already! I cannot beleive that he did this to both of you! Especially to Finley! Good grief, this male (he is certainly not acting like a man!) is being so cruel and selfish that it is bound to bite him in the behind. Something is definately wrong with him, and it is so ugly to see such a grown man acting like big baby. Give me a call anytime you want to talk! Love, Susana

  24. Amy says:

    He definitely does not deserve you, him and his new girlfriend should be ashamed of themselves, keep a spare set of keys somewhere safe just in case it happens again and kick up your heels girl, show him you can get past him.

  25. Petah Hatcher says:

    Oh Alison, my heart went out to you reading about this awful day. I have to wonder though what 'she who will not be named' is really up to, if she is stressed already! How about yourself? If anybody has a right to be stressed it would be you, the one who has been left with a baby! Also, what child does not eat icecream and not make a huge mess? I know it may sound hard, but when you are happy again in the arms of a hunk, living a blissful life, I just hope all these stupid things he does makes you realise he was never worthy of you in the first place. Hope the sun is still shining on your side of the world and you are enjoying your pretty china. Take care.

  26. Kether says:

    Day after day you prove to be one of the classiest women on the planet. How lucky Finley is to have you.
    Your sunshine will come. And you will deserve every ray.

  27. kali says:

    Dear Alison ~ I'm sobbing for reading this. My heart aches in familiar twangs of memories…and I can do nothing but offer you and your Babba my love, from far far away.
    I'm so sorry sweetheart 🙁
    Play "Goodbye my Love", to your heart's content, because I promise you soon, "I Will Survive", will be blaring from your speakers!!!

  28. paula says:

    I never liked that man, anyway. When I saw him in the photos, I just didn't like him, I felt something against him. I think it is a very big luck you lost him because he's nothing compared to you.
    But I understand that now you don't see this because you only can remember the good times.
    Trully, good times are the ones that are coming not the ones in the past. Just wait and you will see.
    Don't think about this man, it's precious time you are loosing.Think about the future,think only about wonderfull things and you will see your days blooming with joy.

  29. Sarah says:

    I'm sorry that you had to go through that. As Holly said in her post "Mark should just thank his stars that he is on another continent than most of the women who know and love you as we all do. We would seriously harm him"
    Well.. he is not on a different continent to me! So say the word lady!!!!!
    In all seriousness, remember that feeling you have when you got up for the car boot, how much fun you had before the incident. It will not be easy, but look at your posts, look to your marvellous family and friends. You can and will get past this.
    "The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."
    Mignon McLaughlin

  30. donna says:

    Oh Alison, this has to be one of the saddest posts I ever read. I am sooooo sorry that you had to go through that. What a horrible self-centred man he is and I know that you are feeling like a piece of crap right now but one day you will be glad that you are rid of him. His new girlfriend sounds like a flake, 'in hospital through the stress of all this'?!!! What? Is she the one left holding the baby? I don't think so!
    I was at a car boot sale yesterday too, I just wish it had been the same one and that I could have given you a huge hug. Your mummy sounds lovely, no wonder you're such a star. Keep your chin up gorgeous xxx

  31. Cookie says:

    Dear Alison…..Dr. Phil would tell you to kick his sorry butt to the kerb and Teri Hatcher would tell you to eat no more burnt toast. I will tell you to dont get sad but get mad!!! Dry your tears and hold your gorgeous head up high and wrap your arms and love around your little Finn. He doesnt need a father who puts an outsider before his son !!! You are a wonderful mother….. Hugsssss

  32. Katherine says:

    I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I've never commented before, but felt so moved by this I had to respond. It must be so hard to understand how someone you have loved and you has loved you in return could act in this way, especially to his own child. Mark must be feeling incredibly guilty about his actions, which makes him act in a way that is both defensive and aggressive (if that makes sense?!) When you know you've treated someone badly, sometimes it's easier to pretend otherwise rather than to face the damage you've caused. I'm not excusing his behaviour, just trying to make sense of it. A lot of men lose contact with their kids in this way, because they feel so guilty about what they're doing to them that they can't face having contact. Emotionally, that's the wimp-out route, but there you go. You don't have that option, obviously. Hold your head up and decide that you are going to be impeccable. You are not going to stoop to the same level. You will get through this, with grace and dignity. More importantly, with love; the very real love of your child and the love you hold for yourself. Your quote is exactly right. Love does not hurt. Love shows itself. Love is both strong and tender – as you yourself are, Alison.

  33. Danielle says:

    I have just read all the other comments and I totally agree with all of them. Alison, he is the poorest excuse for a man I have ever heard of! Deep in your heart it probably hurts you to hear us all speaking so badly of him, and that is a testament to your kind heart. But believe me he is PATHETIC! Finley will resent him for his entire life if he doesn't start showing some feeling pretty soon. Keep your head high girl. I hope the laws of karma work on him.

  34. Danielle says:

    My husband, whom I have been keeping up to date with your news of late, has just asked me to let you know he's more than willing to go and "talk" some sense into Mark, should you so wish. Just had to let you know!

  35. Sandi says:

    My heart breaks for you. But you will get thru this and it will get better. Karma has to have something better waiting for you.
    Wishing you happiness

  36. ms*robyn says:

    I suspected as much when it first happened.
    this story is EXACTLY the same as mine, sweet Alison. oh, how it hurts when it is happening. I had the same thing – the flowers for her, the care for her & the contempt and 'hatred' for me and our child – it is guilt. they are not together. But 18 years later, I look back and thank God that it happened. I am strong, loved by the man of my dreams and content. You will be too.
    Mark is a dickhead. sad but true and he will be lonely, believe me. he will.
    what goes round comes round – 3 times. he is in for some bad karma – you don't have to do a thing, it will happen. Much as you may like to turn him into a toad.

  37. alex says:

    I am a buddhist and we say that nothing is permanent, everything changes, sometimes when it does it can be devastating but remember that winter always turns to spring – I am sure things will change for you for the better.
    lots of cherry blossom to you

  38. Louise says:

    Oh Alison, I just checked out your blog after a long gap & I can't believe you've had such a crap time. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. You know I do live fairly near you so if you want to tell me where to find this 'man', I'll go & poke him in the eye with a sharp stick (karma is all very well but a good poke with a sharp stick could work!). Now I'll probably get arrested by the internet police for threatening behaviour! Really though, so many people care about you & are wishing you well. I'm sure that you & your babba will do very nicely. The very best of everything to you both. XXXXXXX

  39. Helen May says:

    He has much greater worries now than any of these…
    Because he had just better hope and pray that he doesn't run into Helen May – or Helen May doesn't run into (or over..) him.
    Nobody hurts my big sister and gets away with it.

  40. Well, in my last post I didn't tell you about my "sweet" revenge. I took our 2 year old..moved 500 miles away with man #2 Justin's REAL dad (my husband #2) even now at age 30 Justin calls home and asks for dad and my heart swells for this wonderful man who helped me raise this child into the wonderful man he is today. Anyway JOHN (bio dad) never saw his child again…there was no way I was going to put my child on an airplane or let him go for weekends with a man who cheated on me, abused me, did unhealthy things!!!! I got us out of there!!!! Away from that. I was brave enough to let go and get out. He was not worth it.
    Mark doesn't deserve you or your child!!!You deserve to get on with life…without him. The sooner the better. Please believe me when I say…it's a huge world out there and lots of living to do in it!!
    I never kept Justin from his real dad as he got older. I told him the truth about everything. I even said if you ever want to meet your real dad I will help you. Every time I'd ask he'd always say.. Nope, Phil's my real dad. It's funny too, because everytime we'd take Justin to Phil's workplace everyone would always say. Phil, your son looks just like you. He'd just beam from ear to ear and say back…yeah doesn't he??
    fondly, Nancy

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