The Desk

By alison August 18, 2014 12 Comments 2 Min Read

I have come to the conclusion that a person is never done. That whenever we think we are done, we are simply treading water until the urge to change things strikes us again. What is sad about this state of affairs is that we never learn that this is the way of all human life, and so we labour on imagining that one day everything will be just right and more than that, that thereafter things will stay the same because the need for change will be obsolete because we are so happy with the life we have created.
Damn that it is not so. Damn it, damn it, damn it.
Having started a course of CBT with a therapist, I have been instructed to create a proper workspace for myself again, as it has been pointed out to me that running a business from an armchair probably isn’t terribly professional and I will no doubt get more done if I have everything in one place, preferably on a desk. And so my Darlings, being the kind of woman who likes to do as she is told, I have spent the last few days creating a little home office, in exactly the space it used to be in before I got it into my mad head that I am the only person on earth able to function squashed up in a chair.
I found a lovely old school teachers desk in our local furniture recycling centre and went shopping for wallpaper for one wall in my bedroom so that my working space could be clearly defined. I scoured Ebay for a desk chair that would be comfortable but to no avail. Eventually, I found one on Office Monster that looks so comfy and was a really good price. It might not be as comfy as my armchair, but it looks like a solid runner-up. I’m hoping it fits well with my desk. I bought some darling mirrored frames to frame a set of four posters I found inside Flow Magazine. I have set up my printer, added speakers so I can hear my laptop, and organised something resembling a filing system. I am trying to be normal.
The daft thing is that this is how life used to be. I always used to work from a desk like any sensible person does. And then life went a little pear-shaped and I sought refuge in the hug of an armchair and while the house stayed lovely because I was busy adhering to my well-established routines and rituals, work has become ever so slightly ad-hoc.
Um yeah. So this is where I am at. Trying to reconcile what should be with what is. Trying to make the two ends of this ever revolving wiggly circle meet again, so that I can be whole again. The car was a start, this desk another inch forward. I have never shied away from telling you truthfully how I am and this is just a little bit more of that truth.
Do bear with me won’t you? While my head might just be ummm, up my bottom, my heart is always in BrocanteHome.

Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome

12 Comments

  1. Ali says:

    I think CBT would help the OH, if he were willing to at least try it. His perpetual dissatisfaction with life makes him terribly unhappy and I’m at the end of my rope with trying to deal with it. Its no way for anyone to go through life. May I ask Alison, are you seeing an NHS therapist or a private one?

    1. brocantehome says:

      Hi Ali, he is an NHS practioner.x

  2. Angel Jem says:

    Work at a desk is one of my aims this year. I have the cute bureau so I’m aiming to clear it this week.

  3. Keri says:

    You are doing SO well, Alison!! Those of us watching you and cheering you on can see progress where you can’t, because you’re in the middle of it all, actually DOING the work. CBT is some amazing stuff, it changed my life, literally and no exaggeration. There are some iPhone apps that help you with it, which I use when things get a little out of hand in my life. I can’t wait to see your office when you get it finished (you will instagram it, won’t you?).

  4. Caroline says:

    Congratulations Alison. You mentioned that the car and the office space are small(?) steps forward. You didn’t mention the considerable step of engaging in CBT. I think it is also worth acknowledging how much effort it takes to do ANYTHING when you are in a bad place, so the car, the office space and the CBT should count for double!
    As you say to us so often – be kind to yourself and please don’t try to be normal – you will just leave the rest of us feeling inadequate!
    xx

  5. Amanda says:

    I’m so happy for you, even though I am clueless about the “letters” you are using . I have no need for a desk but I have just acquired a craft room [not crap room as my hubby teases]. I love having the designated space to make my own and the ability to just get up, walk away and close the door when real life calls and I have to get back to it. I have cozied up the space with dodads and whatnots to make it my version on heaven and it’s a real treat to go in there every chance I get. I hope you love your new space as much as I love mine!

  6. Mimi xx says:

    What a beautiful way of thinking of it, reconciling what should be with what is. Good luck, and enjoy the journey x

  7. Wendy says:

    What is CBT ? I’m from the states so not sure of some translating.

    1. brocantehome says:

      Morning Wendy, CBT is Cognitive Behavioural therapy.x

      1. Wendy says:

        Oh….thank you! Will have to look this up…
        The desk is a great idea, by the way. I have one I have been working on as well, with hopes of just sitting in one place for thinking, writing, doing…..not much of anyone of those three happen anyway….so here’s to sorting and orgnaizing!!

  8. Margaret says:

    Good for you Alison. When our second son left home we turned his (very small) bedroom into an office/sewing room/library (well somewhere to store all the books we have acquired. As Amanda said it is wonderful to get up and close the door on whatever I’ve been doing.

  9. Trying to be normal? Now that I’m 40, I’ve come to the conclusion that being “normal” is overrated. Trying to be the person you want to be is hard enough. Shouldn’t we set our own standards? Your blogposts aren’t “normal” either, and that’s exactly what I like about them! 😉

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