The Fat Lady Sang.

By alison December 14, 2006 14 Comments 2 Min Read

Sliced

So it’s over. Like I said it would be. And I’m in bit’s.

He came last night with perfume and promises of tomorrows. I made quiche (brie and bacon- perhaps I’ll write up the recipe one day) and we walked hand in hand, stopping to kiss under lampposts and giggle at houses drowning in Christmas cheer. It was  silly and perfect and it is over.  If I knew why  I would  tell you.

So this is how it is. Being grown up. Making decisions that break your heart because there are children involved and they and the security of their little worlds are all that matters. Because there are one hundred and eighty miles between us and ex partners, and babba’s and parents whose hearts must be protected. Because we can’t imagine what life would look like together and in no space at all we can’t imagine how its going to be without the daily conversations that have sustained us. How life is going to look, no, feel, apart.

Goodness, never in a lifetime and twice in the space of a year. Sorrow doesn’t suit me at all.

And so his last memory of me will be this: waving as he drives away and I stand in the porch arms wrapped around myself, a red jumper hanging off my bare shoulders and a face streaked with mascara, blotchy with bye byes. Looking a positive fright.

It’s time for Bridget Jones (Oh Lordy, try not to picture me and Bridget throwing ourselves around our messy living rooms, wailing along to "All By Myself" in baggy pyjamas!) and a can of Tizer, the only two things in the world I can think of to cheer me up right now. It’s quite cosy here tonight. Just me and my fieldmouse, twinkling at each other in the light of a Christmas tree festooned in paper chains. Thank goodness for  hugs from my Mum and chicken casserole delivered hot from the oven by Kath.

Tell me now- is this what happens when you are willing to give too much of yourself away? Do forgive me, I feel a bit bashed up.

Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome

14 Comments

  1. lizzie says:

    Perhaps because it is the first relationship after the big one has finished – it is a whole new ballgame and we are none of us 21 anymore ? Better times ahead, promise

  2. lizzie says:

    Perhaps because it is the first relationship after the big one has finished – it is a whole new ballgame and we are none of us 21 anymore ? Better times ahead, promise

  3. happyapple says:

    This too shall pass … and perhaps a wonderful friend will come out of it.
    Now go hug your little curly-headed sweetheart. They heal the heart, those toddlers do.

  4. Ah, Alison. So sorry you are having such a rough patch right now, especially now. There is something about the holidays that make everything bad seem ten times worse. If I lived near you I would ask to watch B. Jones with you. Also, I would offer you one of my kitties for the week; they would be sure to take care of your "new friend". Though, personally I find it horrific what cats do to mice…it's so meanhearted!
    Take care….
    -Joy

  5. Kim says:

    But isn't it wonderful to know that it can happen again? I know, it still stinks right now, but its a small consolation.
    Big Hugs to you! Grab a big bottle of red, lotsa chocolate & wallow with Bridget….

  6. Claudette says:

    Don't fret Alison! It only meant HE wasn't the one. Remember it is all kismet. Drown your sorrows in a big vat of merlot and a M&S binge. Breathe deep. very best wishes.

  7. Lisa says:

    (((Alison)))All those terrible cliches actually make sense at times like these, especially "everything happens for a reason". We just don't know the reason yet. Best wishes to you and your bubba(who becomes more adorable by the day!) this Christmas. Lisa X

  8. Lynda says:

    i had the same idea as Lizzie: yes, the break up of the first relationship after the "big one" is the worst as I know from experience. Mind you, he was a bit of a swine (and had also just come out of a Big relationship. With hindsight, didn't stand a chance.) Hugs.
    L

  9. shelanne says:

    Try not to wallow too much, capitalize on the feeling of strength you must have right now. You have let go of something you wanted sooo bad because of the bigger picture. Use that strength to go out and do all the other things you know need to be done for the best for you and yours in the long run. Keep that feeling of strength to carry you through Christmas and on into the New year when all the bad things about 2006 will whither and die and your new independence and strength will grow. Keep some tissues handy too!!! Hugs

  10. Carlie says:

    I wondered where you were!
    No wonder there was such a silence. I'm sorry Alison. How frusterating. I agree however, with the poster who said, to remind yourself that this means it can happen again! You're still attractive and alluring and you'll find the right one eventually. Kudos to you for making the tough choices and for still being sweet about it. I have a terrible tendency towards demonizing exes just to make myself feel better.

  11. June says:

    I'm so very sorry, Alison. I don't have anything soothing to say to take away your pain but I do send my good thoughts your way.

  12. Scott says:

    Alison
    Remember this, I love you. I did even before we met. I loved the thought of you. It just happened that the real you was better than the dream.
    My memory of you will be the way you throw your head back when you laugh, and a million other little things that made you my Alison (even for a short time).
    It was just the timing that was wrong, thats all. I'm hanging on to New England as tight as I can.
    Seeya darling
    Scott
    X
    P.S. This is my post secret to the world, and its just for you.

  13. Barbie says:

    Just one thing to add Angel. We all love you and I am very proud to have such a beautiful talented and soon to be strong niece….and just let any one get in my way!! love you very much. Barbiexxxx

  14. cmhl says:

    Girl. Oh, this post took my breath away. Thinking of you.

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