The Mark Shaped Hole.

By Alison May 25, 2006 50 Comments 1 Min Read


People I am all of a quiver. As you may have guessed Mark hasn’t come home and by all accounts is never coming home again, though he would still like the odd bowl of pasta and the occasional evening where he will be happy to provide his company as long as I neither attempt  to discuss his appalling behavior, nor go "getting any ideas" that he may be coming back.

I suspect I may have stumbled into a parallel universe where the gorgeous man I have known and loved for fifteen years has been abducted by aliens and I’ve got this cold hearted emotionally dead, pitiful little soul in his place.

I’ll be back when I’ve glued my heart back together.
Bear with me?


  1. Josee says:

    I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult experience. I hope that you will find brighter days ahead. HUG.

  2. love Mimi xxx says:

    Oh sweetie, of course we will all bear with you, of course we will. Thinking of you, and as always, I am here,

  3. Leanne says:

    We will all be here for you, anytime you need a shoulder. Take care of yourself, and I hope your glue is quick drying for your own sake. Sending lots of hugs…

  4. Suzi says:

    I am really sorry to here that Alison. I just pray that your heart heals soon.

  5. melissa says:

    I'll always be here, storing up hugs and a listening ear for you.
    Take care.

  6. Theresa says:

    Dear One,
    I am so sorry. It is truly a heartbreak. (((hugs)))

  7. Mindy says:

    We are here for you..if you should need someone to listen…sending warm thoughts and lots of hugs to you dear Alison…xo

  8. Cookie says:

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you and little Finn. Hugssss

  9. mandy says:

    alison, sorry to hear that you are still going through a bad time, lots of hugs to you and little finn,
    take care of yourself,

  10. Meredith says:

    Hang in there. We all love you. Take all the time you need. We just miss you, that's all. Hope things get to feeling a bit better soon.

  11. June says:

    I am so sorry, Alison. Just like all your other friends, I send you love and many hugs during this terrible time in your life.

  12. Teri M. says:

    You certainly have our, ehem, moral support (emotional support?), even if some of us are too far away to make you a nice cuppa and feed you buttery, yummy things to show it.

  13. happyapple says:

    Hugs and strength to you and little Finn — as the great Eliz. Taylor once said, "Now is the time for guts and guile."

  14. lauren says:

    OOOOh!! I'm seeing red.
    First I was sad and shocked and now I just want to bop him upside the head!!!!
    He needs a good strong smack! There may be two sides to things, but still in all, he is the one that left!
    Hugs to you Alison. Hold your sweet babba close!

  15. gina c. says:

    Been missing you…you are a special person, full of wit and kindness. Please take care of yourself.

  16. Barbara says:

    Love to you and strength and courage. You are strong and brave and do not need this sort of behaviour in your life.

  17. Tracy says:

    {{Hugs}} and prayers being sent you way, Alison.

  18. janet says:

    hi alison, sorry to hear things are not working out how you had hoped. i am sending positive thoughts and hugs your way, hope they help a bit.

  19. Been there says:

    Make him stand on the step – he sounds odious

  20. Suzie says:

    Oh Ali, I'm so sorry. Like everyone said, we'll be here for you whenever you need us.
    Much love to you and your beautiful babba.
    Love Suzie xxxxx

  21. ms*robyn says:

    so hard not to 'take sides' in stuff like this – people say that there are always 'two sides' to a story. but geez, men give me the *^%& when they act this way. Little boys never grown up… they father children and just think they can walk out, breaking a woman's heart in the process.
    I was married to one, years ago.
    Alison, it is his loss, really it is – hard as it may seem right at this very minute – you will survive- battle worn but will go on to be an even stronger woman than you are now. I guess you are hearing all the cliches right now from every one – but believe me, they are always right, much as you don't want to or can't believe them now. One door closes and another always opens. It is really Marks loss, he will realize that oneday – too late.
    I agree with *been there* make him stand on the step – don't take the little he is offering, give him nothing!!! I am always here, if you ever need to email me and I mean that. grrr, I feel like slapping him hard. and I won't even put what I am REALLY thinking of him. hugs, hugs and more hugs to you & Finley. xoxo

  22. ms*robyn says:

    oh, and the bowl of paste he wants to share? sure – tip it on his head!! ooh I am so angry for you Alison xoxo

  23. Kali says:

    Dear Ali ~ We will be more than happy to 'bear with you'.
    Remember, this too shall pass ~ whatever the outcome!
    Keep yourself and little Finn well looked after…He and You are your only priority right now.
    And please, as hard as it may be during all this chaos and madness, try to take a little time out for yourself.
    The Sun will shine again in your heart…promise.

  24. Amber says:

    Take all the time you need. Of course he's awful now and his behavior is appalling, but someday he may not be so awful and may truly be sorry for all this trouble and sadness he's caused you. So, of course, take all the time you need to heal your little family. Give Finley loving caresses and lots of routine so he knows you will always be there even if Daddy is not. Thinking of you….

  25. Bessilu says:

    I know that feeling…the feeling that the person you loved so much is so changed that you can hardly believe it. I'm sorry.

  26. Petah Hatcher says:

    Oh Alison, I am so sorry to hear this news. I know you might not think this now, but Finley will help you get through this. I was in a different circumstance, but would have crumbled into a heap but couldn't as my children needed me to be strong. I know you are a strong woman already, just wish I could wave a magic want and make things better for you. Hope your family and your friends near you are giving you lots of support. We will always be waiting and more fool for him for leaving such a beautiful person as you. Petah

  27. lizzie says:

    I know I am supposed to make sympathic noises but dont forget -very often things turn out for the best ?? As the mother of five adult sons the only thing that brings me out in a cold sweat is the vision of one ofthem coming home(with or without garbage bags) His father must be sick of him by now and kicked him out ? Didnt you just get married – maybe there is a clue there – and what is all this "living in your shadow" Are we Charles and Di here ? Now is the chance to make a wonderful new life – it cant be dont without pain but it can be done !!! (very successfully )

  28. Nancy says:

    Hugs and prayers to you, Dear One!
    Prayers for Mark and Finn too….for your baba's happiness and security and for Mark to wake up.
    So, so, so sorry!
    We love you.
    p.s Come see me….the flea markets and yard sales are fairly exploding with wonderful, scrummy treasures!! You would be swooning!

  29. Jill says:

    I really don't know you, but you have brought such wonderful feelings and brightness through your blog. I just want you to know that I am praying for you. I can't understand this and it is none of my business. My husband and I are friends with a couple who this is happening to, except the woman threw the man out because she "has never really loved him." He is as bewildered as you. Eventually he decided that as she no longer wanted to be his best friend, he was no longer hers. That was a surprise for her and perhaps Mark needs to see what life without you wanting him is like. Well, I really don't know as I don't know you or the situation, but you are on my heart and in my prayers.

  30. peggy says:

    Oh my dear my heart goes out to you! I have been down that road and was so depressed I even considered ending it all. Thank God I had friends and went for help before I did something stupid. My world was wrapped up in him. He was my life. It was very rough but I got thru it and am stronger for all the pain but most of all I have a man in my life who loves me dearly. I would never have met him or had this wonderful love if I hadn't endured the painful time. Don't give up. Lean on your friends. Stay stron but allow yourself to cry and grieve. Something wonderful will come from this but you have to stay strong and be ready. hugs and prayers.

  31. Savannah says:

    No magic words. Just lotads of love and hugs and the most total support you can imagine. How difficult and mind numbing to not be able to recognize the one you love and not be able to make sense of "a week or moth ago Thursday" compared to today. As if a chasm appeared in his soul to shadow what you were building and make him see it differently. Unfortunately, I have been in this situation before. It is so very hard to breathe there. We love you to pieces, honey. If it works out with Mark, hallalujah, and if not, you know you have the best of him wrapped up in a curly haired Sweetie named Finley. Pasta and friendship may keep a bridge open, and I truly believe in not burning bridges with children's fathers unless some moral thing has occured that harms the little ones. Personally, and I know everyone is different, I believe in taking the highest road imagineable so children don't have to "hate daddy" in order to "love mommy" and vice versa. I know without any doubts at all that you, of all people, are doing the very best at coping. What a shame. I am so sorry and angry for you to have to go through this… My heart screams "why" for you… I love you. Hugs for all of you.

  32. Savannah says:

    lotads of love? I think that is a Freudian slip between "lots" and "loads." ??????

  33. I was ansious to hear about you.
    I think I never saw a man that wasn't the center of the universe – for him!
    Mark had – I think – everything to be happy and didn't want it. Well, he's the one who is loosing.
    I believe this is the first step to a wonderfull life – for you!

  34. Rosemary says:

    Iam so sorry,I supported my daughter through the same situation 2 years ago,her husband left saying he did'nt think he loved her anymore or the children.He stayed at a friend's house for six weeks,went to the doctor's and found out it was depression,got treatment and came home a changed man.We have since bought a house together as I was a widow living on my own.He is now a much better person and really scared about everything that he nearly threw away.

  35. Lazy Cow says:

    Make sure he's bringing the food if he wants to see you! I hope you're not cooking for him.
    Though I don't know you, I think about your situation most days and send a quick prayer too. Take care.

  36. Joanne says:

    So sad for you… wishing I could comfort you!
    Thinking of you and praying for you with love!

  37. Holly says:

    Oh Alison, my heart aches for you and Finley. You have been in my thoughts and prayers for a while now.
    I do have to agree with the others who say not to let Mark in the door anymore, to me it seems as if he's taking advantage, he gets to come back home and play house with you and Fin and then leave when he feels like it. It just seems to be unfair that he can hold out that slight hope to you over and over again and then run away.
    Much much love to you. We are all here whenever you want or need us.

  38. Kristy says:

    No advice, no judgement, just love…

  39. Clarice says:

    I am so sorry. . I wish I had words of wisdom. Clarice

  40. elaine wilsom says:

    sending prayers of wisdom to you and finley~~~ am reminded of a sign i once saw outside a small church on father's day sunday ~~~ if you want to be a wonderful father to your child, first be a wonderful husband to his mother~~~ however tempting it may be, do not play house with mark~~ ~he has dishonored his home and family~~~ it is up to him to rectify the situation ~~~ blessings laney

  41. julie says:

    Much love, thoughts, and prayers are with you, Alison! Hopefully, Mark will come around…and this difficult time will strengthen your bond/relationship in the long run….
    In the meantime, stay strong…We are all praying for you and Finley…

  42. melissa says:

    Darlin, I am so sorry. I don't know you very well either. Except that I visit your beautiful blog quite otfen so I know enough to know that you are a strong and beautiful woman – a warrior. I sure you don't want to hear this- Everything happens for reason. But it's true and you'll see it when your on the other side of this looking back, you'll know why… You're strong, your a warrior and you'll get through this. Take care of yourself. Love

  43. Karlanee says:

    Allison, I'm grieving for you and Finley, and even Mark. My prayers, love and support are with you. As women, we know your family and your life MUST be priority right now. Take all the time you need.
    You are much loved!

  44. Tracy says:

    Dearest Alison,
    What a wonderful example you are setting for your Finley. I'm sure you must sometimes have niggling little doubts as we all do, but you are showing him that it is good to be strong, to know your will and to face what life brings with grace and dignity. I bless my dear mom every day for being just such a woderful role model as your Finley will one day bless you…however things turn out.

  45. Kim says:

    Alison,how I wish that I had magic things to say that would put things right or at least enable you to have a slightly less broken heart…
    One thing that I do know is that you are an extraordinary woman who has an amazing view to share. Please do not let this difficult, terrible time in your life deter you from continuing with Brocante Home. The women whom you have shared as being inspirational to you have all done their most inspirational work after a devestating break in a relationship—A. Stoddard, M. Stewart, Sarah B.B. Your authentic self is so lovely & inspirational & real and we all look forward to your return. When you are ready. 🙂 Till then, big hugs.

  46. OohLahLaura says:

    Oh my gosh….that's just awful, Alison. I'm so sorry to hear about this painful time in your life. I hope you find some peace during this hard transition. I wish you only the best. Your lovely shared life on the internet has had such a positive impact on me. Reading words from such a creative woman with a sweet, REAL life full of love, baby spit-up, and errant husbands made me feel less alone and gave me such a sense of possibility. I haven't been on this site but a few months, but you've TRULY made more of a difference in how I approach my home and life than anything else I've ever experienced. You've helped me see possibility and hope even on the yucky days. I thank you for it and wish you all the warm thoughts I can summon up.

  47. Petah Hatcher says:

    I would also like to second the previous post. You have changed my life in ways you would not know. Wishing you only the best.

  48. Alicat says:

    I'm so sorry Alison.
    I agree — you have totally changed the way I view my household life. Thank you for that.
    I'm wishing you the best and thinking of you. Keep holding on to that dear baby and try to keep your chin up. Much love from the USA.

  49. Oh Alison! I am sorry! Can I help you pick up the pieces…my prayers are with you.

  50. Gena says:

    Hi Alison,what can I say that just doesnt repeat everyone elses words,but truly I am sorry…and I have missed you I have checked your site everyday! much love and support,Gena xx

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