Heavens to Betsy, something has got to give. I have turned into a sloth. All blah and hanging about achieving very little and indulging in a most unbecoming amount of unsloth-like anxiety. Truth be told I feel rubbish. And though rubbishness has over the years come and gone in my life, occasionally I reach a crisis point and know that I am the only person that can give it its marching orders and take control of the ever-expanding ship that is my body.
You see if you have ever wondered why you never see full-body photographs of me, or why I don’t appear in the kind of “lives” so popular on Facebook these days, it is because I have convinced myself I am too fat to inflict myself upon you. (In fact, one kindly friend of Ste’s once told me that I was so lovely I could have a great careeer vlogging, from the neck up.) And yes, I so very much know how ludicrous that sounds. I even understand how much being such a shadowy figure has held me back and wholly understand the irony of encouraging you to embrace your authenticity when I am so truly afraid of my own.
For the past few years, during the stress of the man who shall here on have no name, my Hashimoto’s diagnosis, my Mum’s sudden death, my new relationship with Ste, becoming a step-mother, two house moves in two years, my Dad (and dog!) moving down South, Ste’s depression (and very recently his suicide ideation that has resulted in code red crisis meetings with wonderful mental health professionals), trying to hold on to a business and right now facing very real financial problems because Ste has not been capable of going to work, I have simply had no choice but to put myself on the back-burner. And heckity-pie does it show!
I have in fact put on four stone in four years. One horrible stone of pudge for every year since my Mum died. And trust me I wasn’t skinny in the first place, but nor did I feel as though I was trying to exist with a double-decker bus attached to my person then! I am exhausted and terribly sad and it is so very much time for me to take control again. To live again, regardless of whatever troubles I might be enduring.
Introducing the Wellness Journal
And so here goes Operation Alison. A quiet, determined effort to remember who I was before the shock and trauma of watching my Mum dying on the floor in front of me utterly immobilized me. Before I became consumed by worrying about everyone else – and trying to keep a roof over my head – and forgot to worry about myself.
While my hospital consultant laughed out loud when I said how desperate I was to lose weight, and smirked and said “that’s not going to happen”, I have decided that despite such ludicrous negativity, it is going to happen come hell or highwater! While I understand that many thyroid patients don’t lose weight, it is not an impossibility and I so very much need to feel better. For myself, for my relationship, and for my son (though he looked at me in absolute horror when I announced the lifestyle changes I wanted to make, and hugged me and said, “oh but why Mum, you are so beautiful!” – I couldn’t love him more). Truth is I don’t want to die, as so many of the women in my family have died, in their early sixties. I have got too much to do. Too many versions of me to be. Two boys I want to see grow into men.
And so Operation Alison it is. An effort I am going to share here, so that hopefully as I write, I can get brave enough to share more of myself with you. I don’t want to hide anymore. To be issuing instructions to do as I say but not as I do. I want to be real. And whole again. I don’t want to be hiding. To be holding Brocantehome back by never showing who I am, hiding within my relationship, hiding from the mirror or staying closeted within my own four walls because I am simply too tired (or depressed?) to go out.
So my journey began by setting in place the tools and books I am going to be using along the way, all of which I will share with you soon here. I have joined Weightwatchers, not wholly for the diet but for the community and tools in the digital app, and I did my first Body Gauge (from my own Life Less Ordinary Planner viaThe Salon) on Monday.
While I expected this decision to get well again to be a triumphant moment oddly it has been the very opposite and I have had a weepy, exhausted week, unable to think straight, besieged by problems and overwhelmed by all the little nightmares that seem to be stacking up in front of me…
But, hopefully, this too will pass, along with an inch or six off my over-sized bottom. It’s going to be a long road but it will be such an honour to have you supporting me from the sidelines.
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
Oh Fiddlesticks. How dull it is to have to tell you that the outlook isn’t bright today. Reaching the end of my tether yesterday I returned to the doctor to be informed with a sorry shake of his silly head that my…
The still room book is a traditional component of the still rooms found in great houses of yesteryear. Originating in the sixteenth century, the still room was a pharmacy, perfumery and preserving place where salves, lotions, essences, syrups,posies, sweets, balms, pomanders, creams,…
I fear happiness above all else. I fear calm, not for calm itself but for the storm that will surely follow. I fear resting on lovely laurels and imagining that contentment is finally mine. I fear, you see, that there is such…
Yes Gorgeous, it’s back: the really, rather fabulous BrocanteHome Life Audit: The Where I’m At post that was kicking my butt throughout 2012 to remind me what was good about my life and make known to the universe all that I was…
Featured here, darhlings, we have the vintage mink sleigh bed for spoilt woof woofs everywhere. A snip methinks at $650.00. Find this and other ludicrous vintage inspired doggie accessories that good taste will not permit me to describe at PamperedPuppy.Com… Other Things…
Morning of buttered toast;of coffee, sweetened, with milk. Out of the window,snow-spruces step from their cobwebs.Flurry of chickadees, feeding then gone.A single cardinal stipples an empty branch –one maple leaf lifted back. I turn my blessings like photographs into the light;over my…
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}