Tuesday Morning.

By Alison January 23, 2007 12 Comments 3 Min Read

Well plainly I know you can’t call eight o’clock Tuesday night, Tuesday morning, but I’m in a terrible mood and it won’t do you any favours to argue with me…
I’ve got a stinking cold, sick of January disease and a stalker. Lucky old me.
You know things are bad when I start talking about laundry a lot. When you ring me up and all I can say is that I’ve done another batch of ironing and a woman’s work is never done and yes, I’m perfectly fine THANK YOU. And it is Tuesday and come hell or high water I never iron on a Tuesday, but today I am ironing past myself, taking control of all the things I can do nothing about by surrounding myself with lavender scented piles of neatly pressed laundry. Laundry that in some cases I have re-washed. Just for the fun of it.
Colds make you feel sorry for yourself at the best of times. Some evil bugger has reset Finley’s body clock so he has taken to rising at 5.45 on the dot, every morning. A whole two hours earlier than usual. Big Brother is getting on my nerves. I can’t get warm. And all of a sudden I am living the most peculiar of groundhog days and to call me not a happy sausage would be vastly understating the issue.
Yes Alison. Yada, yada, yada. Same old, same old. Never mind all that, what about your STALKER???
Hmmm. I know him of old. In a very old flame kind of way. Who once upon a time I would have sold my soul for, but who  no longer holds the same appeal. This my darling’s  is the peril of singledom.
So he got wind of my new found status and rang me. And we had a perfectly lovely, why goodness it’s nice to know you are still alive kind of chat and I moaned a bit and talked in an evasive fashion I hoped told him I wouldn’t entertain him in a million years and he turned on the old charm a bit and I giggled a bit (out of girly politeness) and he started talking in an oddly smooth manner. And then the wife and baby he FORGOT TO MENTION got in the car and I put the phone down, and that as far as I was concerned was that.
But oh the world’s a funny old place. Want somebody with all your heart? Get tummy ache just thinking about him? Well wouldn’t you know it he will fall off the side of the earth.
Hope to never  have to think about  another again? Well lo and behold I guarantee he will be the one to ring you at six 0’clock  every single night on his way home from work, leaving mournful messages  about all your yesterdays and what a mess he’s made of his life and blah de blah de blah. He will ring you at quarter to three in the morning every Saturday night three weekends on the run, disturbing yor peace and waffling I Love You’s into the answer machine.  He will send numerous text messages you ignore throughout the working day and at the point when it is clear you couldn’t be less interested if you married his Dad, he will be the one who will ring you and leave a message informing you that he  has left his wife because he isn’t going to lose you twice in the space of one lifetime.
Well whoopy do. I mean really is the man deranged?? Do all men get to their mid thirties and go completely off their trollies? Is it me?? I haven’t spoke to him since the last time  he scared the life out of me in the middle of the night, by calling when the rest of the world is asleep (and I in a muddle answered because my sleepy brain told me someone must be dead!) and he has taken  my screechy “What??” and silence thereafter to mean that I love him and I need him and I miss him??
Wrong Matey. So very wrong. I miss somebody. But it isn’t you.
Please excuse me while I go and iron my thermal vest.


  1. Kim says:

    Uh,you should tell him in no uncertain terms that you never want to hear from him again. If he persists, call the police. That is just nutty.

  2. kali says:

    What a fruit bat!

  3. laura says:

    Hi Alison,
    I agree completely with Kim. Tell him that you'll tell your Dad and get the police onto him if he tries to contact you again. Men like that blatantly avoid getting the message because they're so convinced of their own amazing-ness that they can't really believe that you aren't completely bowled over by their attentions. I hope he gets it though and stops bothering you now. And if he doesn't do tell the police. He has no right to be disrupting your life and causing you worry by ringing at unmentionable hours in the night.
    Hope you get rid of the cold too!

  4. Tell him you have a blog!!! He'll want to read it won't he? Ha.

  5. June says:

    I agree with Kim and you could add that a call to his wife just to clarify his non-position in your life might be your next step. Someone so inconsiderate and disrespectful to call you like this and at all odd hours is horrid.

  6. Amber says:

    What a crazed loon!?! Tell your Daddy!

  7. Barbie says:

    Tell me where he lives… I am scarey at anytime of the day!!!! No-one else is going to hurt you….especially when you have a cold in January!!! Love Barbiexxx

  8. Heather says:

    ugh. why don't they get the picture??

  9. Nancy says:

    Jeez, give him Mark's number. Tell him since Mark left HIS wife and child, they have a lot in common…and neither of them have YOU.
    Take care of yourself and get well. I worry about you.

  10. Nonnie says:

    Oh what a weirdo. I agree with Kim too. Tell him where to go and if he doesn't get that tell him you're calling the Police. It's just horrible to bother you like that. Hope the cold gets better soon.

  11. Paris Parfait says:

    Men like him need to be hit over the head. Tell him "DO NOT PHONE ME AGAIN! THERE IS NO HOPE!" then slam down the phone and keep slamming down the phone until he gets the message.

  12. Rachel says:

    If I were a man I would fall in love with you. Deeply. I can't understand why someone hasn't found you out yet. They don't know what they're missing. Please don't change. You are so love-above-all-lovable.
    E-Mail me if you plan to come to Barcelona.

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