The eminent writer William Faulkner once said that trying to be better than our contemporaries was a fruitless act and that the real competition lies in trying to be better than ourselves, and so my Darlings, this then is our mission: to start working today on up-grading who we are and what it is we expect of ourselves. To become better. While there is a tiny part of me that cringes at the very notion of finding our current selves unacceptable, there is always room for improvement in every aspect of our lives, and I rather suspect that a big part of that dratted discombobulation is mere boredom with the sheer banality of accepting who and what we are and failing to  continue to strive to something more. Being aspirational isn’t wicked. However in a society now jam packed with those whose very betterness makes us want to throw in the towel and declare ourselves pointless, it is enormously difficult to isolate our aspirational direction from those lives we imagine others are living and instead concentrate bit by bit on bettering our own lives, according to our desperately personal, inner authenticity and the maps that authenticity creates, and we so very often choose to ignore. So what am I talking about here? Am I saying that every nurse should be harbouring ambitions to be a doctor? That she who lives in the terraced cottage should secretly aspire to live in the gated mansion across the road? Am I heck. I am saying that by the merest teeny tiny acknowledgement that we are both entitled to and capable of better, we create the kind of subtle aftershocks that influence a hundred other aspects of who we are and what we expect from our time on this earth. I am saying we don’t have to do the same things for the rest of our lives. That we can be different. Better. More satisfied. Less damn discombobulated… Examples? * Giving up the modern trashy novels we indulge in daily for the occasional classic or vintage novel. If only so that occasionally stretch our imaginations beyond that which we already know to be true and cease fearing classic works, which are very often more accessible than one would ever believe. *  Choosing to learn something we barely understand. Making the liberating move from Blogger to WordPress. Fathoming out the mysteries that are HTML and CSS. * Giving up TV-Dinners. Laying the table. Cleaning the bathroom truly, madly, deeply. Sleeping under starched sheets. Remembering to use the lavender linen spray that helps us sleep. * Committing to replacing at least one thing in our basket with it’s organic or wholefood alternative. Buying the posh biscuits and eating fewer, but truly enjoying those that we do. Buying dark chocolate instead of milk. Skimmed instead of semi. Deliciously salty Normandy butter instead of that same old margerine. * Stretching our budget to buy the moisturiser that we KNOW makes a difference to our skin instead of constantly settling for  the greasy substitute we can chuck into our trolley in the supermarket. Saving up to go back to the hairdresser who made us feel a million dollars. * Speaking out when somebody says something that hurts us instead of allowing that kind of tiny pain to fester and swell. * Expecting more from our children. Asking them to do something properly and having the energy to make sure they see it through. * Making a fabulous three course meal weekly. The kind of meal that  acknowledges your relationship and has you striving to improve your culinary prowess. * Walking away from gossip because we are better than that. Actually walking full stop. Walking and walking and walking till we can’t walk no more because there is so much to see and no better company than ourselves. You see? This isn’t about huge ambition or ludicrous aspiration. It is about making the effort. It is about subtly making changes to the way that we already live our life. It’s about saying I don’t have to live in this little hole I have dug for myself. For all of us. I can dig a whole new tunnel or pop my head up out of the ground occasionally just for the pleasure of feeling the sun on my face. I don’t have to buy the best, but neither do I have to settle for the worst. Settling is TERRIBLE. Settling is MISERABLE. Settling leads to WITHERING and trust me, there is nothing worse, than a withered woman. She is a bitter and twisted and gnarled old thing. Even if she is still bleaching her hair and looking for all intents and purposes like she is surviving with aplomb. It is about abandoning envy and working on ourselves: giving up laziness and moment by moment, task by task, chipping away at all the petty fears that keep us bouyed to our current lives, treading water and staring longingly at far off islands and distant horizons. Fears of financial ruin because today you bought Heinz instead of supermarket own brand beans. Fears that no-one will love you if you get a little high-brow in your taste in movies. Fears that others will find you ridiculous or your husband will shout or your Mum will be disappointed or you won’t understand or it will hurt your head or you will bankrupt the family coffers or your kids will pack their suitcases and go and live with the Mummy less silly down the road. Because make no mistake about it: this is about fear and we don’t have to be cowards all our lives. We can be better. Get to it today my Sweet.x
Create your own Brocante Life Book, plan Christmas, set up routines and rituals or live life the BrocanteHome way with my guided workbooks and planners.
The week passed. And too soon it is Saturday. I tuck a kiss into Finn’s coat pocket and wave hello to peace and quiet. Today there is a book, a lunch of split pea cinnamon rice, eight hours of relative freedom, and…
Leave the dishes. Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigeratorand an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor. Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster. Throw the cracked bowl out and don’t patch the cup….
Milk…It Does The Body Good! You’ve had an absolutely horrid day. Somehow your red pants got thrown in with your white wash, your 2 year old decided it would be fun to cover himself in baking flour, and your toilet has overflowed…
Black Apple Tea Make Your Own Blackboards From the Farm Chicks. Other Things To Do At BrocanteHome Browse the Bookstore Discover a curated list of books to enhance and support life the BrocanteHome way Browse the Bookstore Life Love & Vintage Housekeeping…
Ooooh this is a moral dilemma if ever there was one. On the one hand I am so excited I could squash a grape and on the other, even just visiting Mygazines make me feel as though I am browsing the aisles…
There is a wonderful article about Cath Kidston in this months British inspired Easy Living Magazine. Focusing on her scrumptiously gorgeous weekend home (the one with the green and white bedroom to die for…) and her oh so English childhood, Cath provides…
14 Comments
Oh, I so so love this post. And I agree whole heartedly-especially about never ever "settling". And believe it or not, you actually SAVE money by never settling, because you buy EXACTLY what you want and that's it. There is no bigger waste of time, money, and emotions, than getting something with the plan of upgrading at a later time. What a waste. You lose not only the money spent on the original junk, but also lose precious time of enjoyment you get from having the original object of your affections. This applies to everything, from a divinely soft set of sheets to a favorite outfit. Don't settle!!
I love this post! I actually feel happier having read it than I did before 🙂 Thank you. FormSpring asked me a question this morning that said, "If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?" Me, of course! But you're right, maybe my answer should have been, "A better version of me". I'm going to cook a proper dinner tonight!
Oh Thank you Alison!!!! I came home from errands to read your lovely post and in it I read that I could do just one little thing at a time. Not everything at once. Borrowed a cookbook from a friend to make a new list of never before tried recipes. Bought some storage boxes today while out to start sorting pictures for my family and scrapbooks for the girls. Am learning French with my teenager. Just to add 2 cents worth…..How do you eat an elephant? ONE bite at a time! This was a wonderful post. Thank you for the back up encouragement and heres to being a better me! And a better YOU!
Upgrading my life….what a great thought. Will have to ruminate on what exactly I should do for the cause. Am inspired and feel like you've given me a very boosting kick in the pants.
Awesome post. All very, very true. Except for one thing. Milk chocolate rules! There I said it. I'm out of the closet! Love plain choccy in a cake, cookie et., but for sheer comfort and warm fuzziness – only Dairy Milk will do, I'm afraid. 🙂
I always believe in bettering, but sometimes I'm my own worst enemy, because there are so many ways I want to better my life that I grow frustrated I can't do them all. It's hard to have to choose some and leave others behind or wait for them. Patience, I say to myself, patience.
{"id":null,"mode":"form","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":300,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"http:\/\/brocantehome.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/tipjar-2.png","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Leave a tip","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"BrocanteHome","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"BrocanteHome","form_subtitle":"Help Me to Keep BrocanteHome Online","currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you so much: helping me keep Brocantehome online really means the world to me.","payment_confirmation_title":"BrocanteHome","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
Oh, I so so love this post. And I agree whole heartedly-especially about never ever "settling". And believe it or not, you actually SAVE money by never settling, because you buy EXACTLY what you want and that's it. There is no bigger waste of time, money, and emotions, than getting something with the plan of upgrading at a later time. What a waste. You lose not only the money spent on the original junk, but also lose precious time of enjoyment you get from having the original object of your affections. This applies to everything, from a divinely soft set of sheets to a favorite outfit. Don't settle!!
Very well written! Thank you!
Thank you for this post. I needed a gentle reminder to let go of my fears.
What a fantastic, inspiring post.
I love this post! I actually feel happier having read it than I did before 🙂 Thank you. FormSpring asked me a question this morning that said, "If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?" Me, of course! But you're right, maybe my answer should have been, "A better version of me". I'm going to cook a proper dinner tonight!
Oh Thank you Alison!!!! I came home from errands to read your lovely post and in it I read that I could do just one little thing at a time. Not everything at once. Borrowed a cookbook from a friend to make a new list of never before tried recipes. Bought some storage boxes today while out to start sorting pictures for my family and scrapbooks for the girls. Am learning French with my teenager. Just to add 2 cents worth…..How do you eat an elephant? ONE bite at a time! This was a wonderful post. Thank you for the back up encouragement and heres to being a better me! And a better YOU!
Wendy – I'm a vegetarian. Maybe I can use the phrase: "how do you eat an Oak tree?" Do you think that works? 🙂
Whether it works or not Victoria , it made me giggle…
Upgrading my life….what a great thought. Will have to ruminate on what exactly I should do for the cause. Am inspired and feel like you've given me a very boosting kick in the pants.
Thankyou! xxxxoooooxxxx Megan
Awesome post. All very, very true. Except for one thing. Milk chocolate rules! There I said it. I'm out of the closet! Love plain choccy in a cake, cookie et., but for sheer comfort and warm fuzziness – only Dairy Milk will do, I'm afraid. 🙂
I eat plain chocolate because I have convinced myself it is medicinal…
I always believe in bettering, but sometimes I'm my own worst enemy, because there are so many ways I want to better my life that I grow frustrated I can't do them all. It's hard to have to choose some and leave others behind or wait for them. Patience, I say to myself, patience.
Have you read Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott Valerie?